I hate you, I don't love you!
by ITOxYAOIcomplex
Summary: "You wanted me to notice you… if it's that important doesn't it mean you have a romantic interest in me?" Ichigo was a moron, Uryu had already established that so it would make sense he would come up with logic like that. IchiIshi, in other words YAOI!
1. Kurosaki Ichigo, I hate you!

_**Title**: Kurosaki Ichigo, I hate you, I don't love you!_

_**Pairing: **Ichi/Ishi_

_**Genre:** romance, drama, humor_

_**Chapters:** Multi, no idea how far it will go_

_**Word count: **_6,562

_**Spoiler/s: **anime episode 11/12, manga chapter 33+(roughly)_

_**Full summary: **"You wanted me to notice you… if it's that important doesn't it mean you have a romantic interest in me?" Ichigo was a moron, Uryuu had already established that so it would make sense he would come up with logic like that. It was stupid, how could something like that be true? Then if Ichigo wasn't wrong… Set in the time frame shortly after Ichigo and Ishida meet._

_**Warning/s: **_

_-yaoi _

_-angst_

_**Final thoughts: **This was planned to be a oneshot, but then… shit happens. Enjoy your slowly updated fic._

* * *

><p><span>Kurosaki Ichigo, I hate you, I don't love you!<span>

_Chapter One: Kurosaki Ichigo, I hate you!_

_:start:_

A sigh escaped the Quincy's lips as his steps slowed to a stop. "Kurosaki, haven't we done this before?"

Silence followed the question for several moments before finally Ichigo stepped out of his hiding place.

"When did you notice?"

"When we left school. We've also had this same discussion before. How can I not notice that you were following me, Kurosaki? It's the same as it was last time; just because you are blind to my presence doesn't mean I'm blind to your's. How could anyone not notice your reiatsu with it how it is?" the bespectacled teen pushed his glassed back up the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily.

"It upsets you that much that I don't notice you?"

"Wha? What the hell are you saying now, Kurosaki?" Uryuu's cheeks flushed with mild anger as he glared halfheartedly at the other male. "What is it you want?"

"Huh?"

"You followed me from school, so I'm asking you what it is you want." the Quincy's expression was that of annoyance.

"Oh, I wanted to talk." Ichigo's usual scowl was absent from his face while a relatively clueless look took it's place. His brows were still knit together like they always seemed to be but they lacked the angry-looking pressure that normally held his face in a irritable look.

His expression alone piqued Uryuu's interest.

"Obviously." the raven haired male nearly sneered, instead he settled for a haughty glare.

"Yeah?"

Uryuu huffed in annoyance and folded his thin arms over his chest "Well, Kurosaki, what is it you wanted to talk about?"

"Last time you were upset because I didn't notice you."

"What are you talking about?"

Ichigo frowned deeply and stepped closer toward the Quincy. "When we first met you were really upset because I didn't notice you…" he stopped several feet short of the highest ranking student in his class.

"What… I wasn't upset, I was demonstrating how truly blind you are to reiatsu."

"You seemed pretty damned upset." the orange haired male's scowl returned.

"Is that all you wanted to talk about? It looks like it's about to rain and I don't want to get caught in it, so..."

"Can we go back to your place and talk?

Ishida offered him a tired glance but didn't say anything more as he turned back around and began walking in the direction of his home.

It was only minutes from the Ishida residence when the rain set in drizzling in a light sheet over everything. Uryuu glanced back over his shoulder at Ichigo who had remained quiet throughout their trip and was now following close behind him in silence.

The duo reached Uryuu's house with damp hair and clothes moments after the rain had begun. Even as they walked to the front door of the small modern size house both boys were silent.

The raven haired male unlocked the front door and opened it before stepping inside. Ichigo then did the same. Both removed their shoes and dropped their bags by the door.

Uryuu finally broke the awkward silence that had lasted since they had established where they were going to talk by the simple question "Do you want anything to drink?" which Ichigo merely shook his head 'no' to.

The Quincy then left the room and returned moments later with two towels one of which he gave to Ichigo and the other he began patting himself dry with. Ichigo did the same.

"So, Kurosaki, what is it you wanted to talk about?"

A short silence passed before Ichigo answered. "When we first met you were upset about me not noticing you before, so you have a romantic interest in me then, right?"

Uryuu's hair was slightly tussled from the rubbing he had done on it with the towel. Several ebony colored locks had managed to retain just enough moisture to allow them to mat to his forehead. His narrow sapphire eyes widened with the statement as he looked at the substitute shinigami incredulously. "What?"

"Rukia, showed me something. that let me come to the conclusion that you have a romantic interest in me," Ichigo's expression was completely serious, so much so the Quincy couldn't help the chocked snicker.

"Just what are you saying, Kurosaki? That I'm in love with you because I wanted you to notice me and that this is all because something Kuchiki showed you?" Uryuu's icy sapphire orbs burned to molten at the mention of the challenge.

"Wha, no! No! Well... yes but not exactly like that!" Ichigo fumbled for several moments before he could correctly speak. "It's just that... Wait here a minute, okay?" the orange haired shinigami draped the towel around his neck and ran back toward the entrance. He fumbled with his bag for a moment then ran back to show Uryuu what he had managed to find.

"What interest would I have in your comic book, Kurosaki?" the bespectacled teen questioned once the book was offered to him. With only the short glance he'd offered the bundle of paper Uryuu could clearly see it was some girl's comic with a romantic couple holding one another on the cover.

"Just, look..." Ichigo thrust the book into Uryuu's chest.

The Quincy took it begrudgingly and began flipping through it's pages. After a moment Uryuu was still to clear up any meaning behind the book. "Kurosaki, I'm not seeing what you seem to want me to." he closed the book and offered it to Ichigo.

"Dammit, this, look..." Ichigo took the book and flipped through the pages until he found the one he had been looking for. "this is what I'm talking about, Ishida!" he waved the book at the other boy. "Ayu here," he pointed to some prettily drawn girl "has a crush on this guy, Hanabi, and works to get him to notice her..."

Uryuu was silent in response.

"She's in love with him, but in the beginning he didn't even know she existed until she began her plan to make him fall in love with-"

"You think I'm in love with you?" the sapphire eyed male half yelled as he offered Ichigo his iciest glare. "Tell me Kurosaki, what is one dramatic difference you notice about that fictional character named Ayu and myself?"

"Huh, what do you mean, Ishida?"

"She's... a girl, I'm - quite obviously - a man!"

"Yeah, so?"

"'So?' Kurosaki..."

"So, your saying that it's not true?"

"What?" the Quincy was sure to ask this slow and suspiciously.

"About you being in love with me. Working so hard to get me to notice you didn't have anything to do with a crush then?"

"Of course not!"

"Then, why would you go through so much trouble?"

"Why?" Uryuu's brows knitted together in confused thought. "I thought we already went over this, Kurosaki, I only wanted to show you the power of a Quincy."

"So that was it?"

"Yes."

"You would do anything for the Quincy name..." Uryuu couldn't place if this was meant to be a question or not.

"Kurosaki, is that it?"

Ichigo looked over at the other boy with a mixed expression, his lips were pulled down into a tight frown while his eyes were narrow but the brows dipped upward enough to soften the glare. He was silent for several minutes and Uryuu began to think he wouldn't answer before he offered his short reply in clipped tone "No."

"Then what else?" the Quincy was beginning to feel uneasy. Whatever it was Ichigo was getting around to he was doubting he would like it in the least.

Again Ichigo didn't answer in a prompt manner and choose to instead first turn his attention to the book still cradled loosely in his hand. He leafed through several pages, only pausing every once in awhile to skim over one of the pages content. "Is it really that odd to think you could have a crush on me?"

"Ichigo, I'm a man, and a Quincy... so it is, indeed, very odd." Uryuu pinched the bridge of his nose and lightly closed his eyes, trying to will the headache away.

"So it's wrong for a man to like another man?" the orange haired teen's expression was unreadable while his voice gave no more insight to what he currently felt. He didn't look up from the comic and continued to leaf through it's many pages.

"Well... I suppose not. I mean it is more common now days..." Uryuu at this point had bypassed uneasy and was settling in with damn right uncomfortable.

"Then why bring it up?"

"Why? Kurosaki, think for a moment, do you really think it's possible for me to have a silly little crush on you?"

"Is it that ridiculous?" the substitute shinigami offered the book he held a contemplative scowl but didn't bother looking over at the other teen present.

"Kurosaki..."

"You think it's impossible just because we're both men... and your a Quincy? Do you think I care about that at all?" He had stopped flipping through the pages of the book and now just held it in his tightly fisted hands.

"Do you want me to like you like that, is that it, Kurosaki?"

Ichigo was silent and after a few minutes had passed he once again began flipping through the pages in his comic.

"Damn it, Kurosaki!" Uryuu hissed and yanked the book from the orange haired teen's hand. He tossed it across the room. He then turned his cold narrowed sapphire eyes back to Ichigo. "Answer me!"

"I.." Ichigo paused and slowly, alarmingly slow, he turned to face the Quincy. "I like you... Ishida."

The raven haired teen didn't respond at first and merely let his hard gaze drop to his lap where his hands currently sat twisting and fidgeting nervously. His ebony brows drew together as his face sketched into an indecipherable expression.

Ichigo found himself fidgeting nervously as well.

"Kuro...saki..." Uryuu spoke slowly letting the word slide slowly from his lips. "you are a shinigami and am a Quincy. We are both men. We are more rivals than anything else." he paused and turned his indecipherable gaze to the orange haired male. "A romance between us is impossible."

"I don't care about any of those things..." Ichigo held an almost pleading tone to his voice. He noted it himself and it bothered him. He himself hadn't realized his affections toward the Quincy until he had said them aloud in the form of 'I like you'. It was annoying to think his own feelings had gotten so out of control and that he was suddenly feeling so desperate to demonstrate those feelings to Uryuu and have them reciprocated.

"Well," Uryuu spoke in clipped tones. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose before continuing. "Kurosaki, I do."

"Damn it, Ishida!" he growled and grabbed the other by his still slightly damp shoulders. The two shared a silent stare, both scowling angrily. "Just because I'm a shinigami it's impossible with me?"

"Enough already, Kurosaki, as I've said..." he brushed Ichigo's touch away. "it's impossible. If you don't understand then I'll say it more clearly; you've been rejected, Kurosaki."

Ichigo's expression darkened.

A sudden flare of scorching anger swelled in the orange hair shinigami's chest. To have the feelings he didn't quite understand himself be so carelessly dismissed was too much. They were feelings he wanted to explore and yet Uryuu was willing to brush them off with such little thought.

"Like hell."

Before Uryuu could open his mouth to question Ichigo he grabbed his head, with a large hand on either side of the his face, and crushed their lips together.

Ishida didn't respond at first, shock freezing any movement he might have attempted. When the initial shock wore off his hands grabbed Ichigo's wrists and attempted to pry them from him. When that method failed he pressed his hands to the orange haired shinigami's chest and pushed with as much strength as he could muster in the current position. Ichigo didn't budge and Uryuu quickly began to panic.

Instead of backing off as Uryuu so clearly wanted him to Ichigo pressed closer. Had Uryuu's mouth not been so tightly sealed by his frowning lips their teeth would have met with a satisfying 'click'. Ichigo grabbed the wrists of the two hands that were currently pressed to his chest trying to shove him away and forced them out and upward over the Quincy's head. The two of them fell; Uryuu backward and Ichigo forward and on top of the other.

Ichigo pressed his lips more firmly against Uryuu's one last time before pulling away to look at the other with a heated gaze. "Uryuu..." he sighed and gently kissed his cheek.

Uryuu didn't respond well to the affection he was shown but instead writhed in Ichigo's grasp attempting to free himself. He panted heavily as he spoke "Kuro... saki, don't s-say... get... off..." he rasped out in between gulps of heavy breathes.

"...can't..." was the response he received from Ichigo.

He held both of Uryuu's wrists in one hand and lowered his free hand to lightly cup the raven haired male's cheek. "I can't, I can't stop... not until you realize..." Ichigo's chocolaty eyes were soft as they stared into the infuriated sapphire ones of his captive. "... your in love with me." As he finished his statement his eyes narrowed and grew dark with an emotion Uryuu didn't want to place.

Once more their lips were crushed together by Ichigo and once again Uryuu clamped his lips together tightly stopping any attempts to intrude.

Ichigo growled in annoyance.

Regardless of any annoyances he displayed or felt he quickly found a way to _persuade_ Uryuu into parting his lips.

Ichigo's free hand slipped beneath the Quincy's uniform shirt and found it's way to the thin pale chest of his captive. In return the bespectacled teen gasped at the sudden skin on skin contact on such a intimate area of his body. Ichigo's long fingered hand traced soft circles on the now heaving chest. His calloused hand lightly brushed the raven haired male's hardening nipples with every stroke. While his hand played with his captive's chest his tongue snaked it's way into his mouth, hotly mapping the new area.

Uryuu moaned softly and shifted uncomfortably. It wasn't so much a pleasure filled moan as it was a distressed one. He tugged roughly on his arms, attempting to break Ichigo's hold on them but failed.

Ichigo's tongue curled around Uryuu's and rubbed against it sensually.

The Quincy growled around the offending appendage, he had been avoiding being unnecessarily violent, but Ichigo was begging for it. He bit down, with a snap of his jaw, and caught Ichigo's tongue in between the tightly clenched teeth. He didn't hold the lock for long and quickly released the injured appendage.

Ichigo hissed and drew back, still holding Uryuu by his wrists. The hand that had been toying with his captive's chest cupped his now bleeding mouth.

"Fuck, Uryuu... what the hell?"

The other huffed angrily and hissed "What do you mean 'what the hell'?" around his labored panting. His eyes had narrowed to thin dangerous slits that almost had Ichigo second guessing his decisions.

"That _hurt_!" he growled and pressed the other more firmly into the plush couch cushions beneath them.

Uryuu ignored the soft material that he was pressed flush against in favor of answering Ichigo's statement "Well, _Kurosaki_, it sure as hell wasn't meant to feel _good_!"

Ichigo offered him a sour look in response but didn't look too angry, at least in Uryuu's opinion compared to the look he had received just earlier. "Just…" he paused, his breathing still labored but quickly calming. "what do you… think you're doing, Kurosaki?"

"What do you think…" Ichigo offered him a smirk as he leaned in close again. He kissed Uryuu's cheek softly then leaned closer and whispered hotly into his ear. "Uryuu?" his breath was hot against his neck and ear. He licked the shell of his captive's ear and smirked widely when it forced a shiver down his spine.

"K-k…" whatever Uryuu had planned to say was completely ignored in favor of Ichigo pulling back from him and swiftly ripping his shirt open. Buttons popped off and scattered throughout the room. Uryuu's sapphire eyes widened significantly at the sudden action. The surprised pause was all the time Ichigo needed to once more pin Uryuu's wrists above his head.

When Uryuu made a surprise sound in the back of his throat the smirk on Ichigo's face doubled in size. So the raven haired teen clamped his mouth tightly closed and silently made the resolve not to make another sound. However when the substitute shinigami brought his free hand to his chest once more his resolve was lost.

Large calloused fingers teased the hardening buds on the captive's heaving chest. Pinching one of the two and twisting it roughly as he leaned to capture Uryuu's lips again.

The bespectacled teen managed to twist his neck and snap his head to safety just in time to force Ichigo to kiss his jaw instead of the intended target that was his lips. Which forced the larger male to frown deeply in annoyance. He didn't push the kiss though, much to Uryuu's relief, and instead turned his attention elsewhere. Namely, Uryuu's neck.

"Well, if you prefer.." he purred and latched his parted lips onto the long slim pale neck that had been exposed to him through his captive's means to avoid a kiss on his lips.

Ishida responded animatedly. A chocked sound vibrating through his chest as his body tensed at the unwanted contact. His arms twisted and tugged sharply in an attempt to free themselves from the strong hands that held them prisoner.

Ichigo had pressed his mouth, open, against Uryuu's neck and was now nibbling and sucking at the tender flesh. A mixture of blood and saliva followed his mouth's trail. His teeth gently grazed the skin as he breathed hotly over the flushed skin. His free hand managed to snake up and gingerly stroke the other's cheek.

The raven haired male only shifted and moved uncomfortably as he struggled to escape Ichigo's touch. The attempts were pointless as the larger of the two roughly grabbed the other's chin and his head to remain still. Soft kisses showered down over Uryuu's face. The action would have been sweet and loving had it been someone Uryuu would have much rather be touched by.

"Ge-get the hell off of me!" his voice was weak and trembled, cracking at the end of the hysterical words.

"Uryuu..." Ichigo sighed softly in response and gently licked the other's cheek. Uryuu couldn't help the wince at the light sent of blood from Ichigo's mouth.

Although the only response Ichigo received was an irritated hiss and glare from the raven haired teen.

Ichigo sighed again, this time with more longing behind it.

With no warning in the least Ichigo's hand, that had been holding Ishida's head still, dipped low between their bodies and tugged at the fastening on the Quincy's pants. His hand slipped inside, beneath the layers of cloth, and grasped Uryuu's awakening arousal.

Uryuu's reaction was much more powerful than Ichigo could have expected. He threw his head back, his teeth clenching tightly as his back arched completely off the soft sofa. His muscles were tight, tense springs that snapped at the contact then instantly recoiled back as he attempted to curl in on himself to protect his body from any other strange touches Ichigo was bound to offer or force on him. He quickly found that his body wasn't able to completely protect itself due to Ichigo's restraint. He wasn't surprised, not by now.

"D-Don't you dare... K-Ku... Kurosaki!" though the demand was stuttered with small whimpers breaking between it's words it still held Uryuu's conviction well enough.

Ichigo didn't answer vocally, instead his hand tightened it's hold on Uryuu's member. His thumb roughly brushed over the tip, circling the organ's head in a sensual manner.

Uryuu shifted, a powerful shiver wracking through his body as he attempted to free his hands once more. His legs shifted and attempted to draw together but Ichigo was crouched between them. "B-Bastard!" the bespectacled teen hissed and glared darkly at his assailant.

"Just, calm down... you'll like it." the substitute shinigami promised and offered the heating arousal in his hand a long soothing stroke.

"Th-the hell I wi-will!" the captured male snarled and began struggling anew. His arms pulled roughly against their restraints as his body writhed in desperation to be set free of Ichigo's hold. "What moron would like this? What? Now get your hands off... get off, Kurosaki! This... this..!" The substitute shinigami was positioned perfectly so no matter how Uryuu struggled no harm would come to him. The worst Uryuu could do was to wrap his legs around the orange haired teen's hips and squeeze.

Uryuu doubted that would cause Ichigo much, if any pain; a bit of discomfort at best. Knowing Kurosaki, at the moment, he would have rather enjoyed that attempt very much.

"I like it..." the chocolate eyed male whispered hoarsely against Uryuu's ear as he edged the bodies even closer.

"That's..!" the sapphire eyed teen hissed as his voice caught in his throat momentarily when Ichigo nipped his ear playfully. "That's disgusting, Kurosaki! This is disgusting!" he tugged at his arm in a pointedly manner. "I _hate_ this!"

Ichigo stopped his teasing movements against Uryuu abruptly after his last statement, he leaned back slightly. "You hate... what?" his brow furrowed with troubling thoughts.

The Quincy didn't plan to sooth those worrying thoughts away either. "You touching me! You liking this! Your teasing, your caresses, you kisses, your... your... I hate the idea of being sexual with you! I'm not even fond of the idea of being _friendly_ with you! I only wanted your attention because I wanted to show you my superiority! I hate being near you... being close to you, I hate it!" as the thin male beneath him said the word 'hate' each time Ichigo's hands loosened their grip.

"The idea of being... sexual or romantically involved with you is disgusting! I hate it! I hate shinigami, I hate-"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut the hell up already, Uryuu!" Ichigo yelled loudly his fingers tightening their grip around Uryuu's wrists, almost to the point of being painful. "Just... stop already..." his voice softened considerably, as did his grip on Uryuu.

Uryuu jumped at the opportunity for freedom. He yanked his hands free of Ichigo's slackened fingers and shoved the larger male off. He tumbled to the floor in a sulking heap of shinigami. "Don't touch me with your disgusting shinigami hands, Kurosa-" anything more he had wanted to say was cut off as Ichigo climbed, quickly from his spot on the floor, and once again pinned Uryuu beneath him. Their lips met in a rough kiss, one so fierce that Uryuu distantly thought he tasted his own blood mix with Ichigo's.

The raven haired male's sapphire eyes closed tightly as his hands pressed desperately against Ichigo's chest, trying to pry the orange haired teen off of him. He was grateful that his hands hadn't been pinned above his head this time but he still seemed to lack the ability to force the other off. This time it was due to his arm's own weakness compared to the larger male.

The thought only further angered the Quincy.

Ichigo was controlling him, forcing him to do as he pleased, and utterly humiliating him. Of course, they were rivals, so this was only another way for Ichigo to flaunt his power.

Or rather, this wasn't much different from what Uryuu himself did.

He called him out and forced him to participate in the challenge he himself constructed only to prove to Ichigo his existence as well as superiority to shinigami. He had flaunted his power to Ichigo.

Now Ichigo wished to return the favor and show him his own power.

Where Uryuu had risked people's lives to prove his point. Albeit, their was little doubt in his mind at the time that he could handle it all flawlessly. Ichigo now risks Uryuu's feelings to prove his point.

It was fair.

Ichigo had pulled away, only an inch, while all these thoughts processed then mixed into a blur inside Uryuu's head. "That's... some pretty shitty logic."

"What the hell is that suppose to mean, Uryuu?" he hissed in his ear. His breath was hot and moist, but Uryuu refused to allow the responding shiver to wrack his trapped body.

"Your reason for doing... this. I wanted to prove my superiority to you and so you want to do the same now... with a different method." his eyes were cold and hard as they stared into Ichigo's scorching ones.

"Damn it, Uryuu, this isn't about that!"

Said teen only stared back.

"No, well, I mean it is... but it's not like that! I just want..."

"What, Kurosaki? What is it you want?"

"You! Uryu! I want you!" Ichigo's voice was loud. Before the raven haired male could react to the spoken words Ichigo had flipped him so he now lay on his stomach, ripped his shirt from his body and yanked his pants down. Uryuu could only manage a startled sound. His hips were thrust into the air by Ichigo.

"Kurosa-"

"Suck, and don't bite them." Ichigo cut him off easily and thrust two digits in front of his face. Uryuu only glared at them.

"Like hell."

"Damn it, Uryuu, this is only to make it less painful for you!"

A long suffering sigh escaped Ichigo after a short pause in movements and speech. He removed his fingers from in front of Uryuu's mouth. "Fine, have it your way..." with an exasperated expression Ichigo lifted his fingers to his own mouth and quickly coated them in his saliva. His fingers returned to the Quincy's body but they probed a new entrance this time. Gingerly Ichigo touched his digits to the tight ring of muscles that made up his captive's entrance.

"K-Kurosaki, you don't really intend to do this regardless of my own wishes do you?" he trembled slightly and Ichigo could feel the tightening in his muscles due to his apprehension.

"Do you want to make love with me, Uryuu?"

The raven haired male shivered powerfully but quickly gained control of his body and refused to let it move in the slightest. "No, I don't."

"Then yes, I do intend to."

Uryuu made a soft choking sound in the back of his throat. The sound changed rather quickly when Ichigo nipped his shoulder and gently stroked over his hole once more. "Sorry.." he muttered almost offhandedly and thrust a finger into Uryuu.

It was mildly painful, or rather uncomfortable, not something Uryuu would deem unbearably painful.

The long calloused digit pulled nearly out before slamming back down, deeply, into the hot cavern. He began wiggling, circling, and curling his finger to stretch and pleasure his cold soon-to-be-lover.

Uryuu grunted and grabbed handfuls of the sofa cushions but didn't seem persuaded to respond positively to the treatment. Ichigo slid the finger out and kissed Uryuu's shoulder in a soothing manner. He then thrust two digits into the forcefully awaiting teen.

The raven haired teen winced, this time the digits entrance hurt quite a bit.

He shifted uncomfortably. "Kurosaki, d-do you really understand... what your... do...ing?" his breath was now heavy and labored as his body trembled. He attempted to crawl away but Ichigo leaned closer and held him tightly close to his body. Uryuu's back molded tightly against Ichigo's chest and stomach. Ichigo had at some point opened his own shirt, but it was left on, hanging uselessly on his muscular frame. Both teens bodies were flushed and damp with their own and each other's sweat.

"Making love to you." Ichigo's voice was low, soft but stern.

"No..." Uryuu whispered back, his voice just as soft, "This is..." he bowed his head further, his damp silky hair falling over his pale sharp features. The thought of voicing what Ichigo was doing to him only seemed to make that matter worst and he felt weaker for it.

"Please, Uryuu, please..." his captor breathed hotly into his ear as he spoke. He sounded almost desperate.

"Kurosaki... What the hell has gotten into you?" he snapped his head to the side to glare at the subject of his frustration. His glasses now laid askew on his face, the left side dipping lower so the glasses nearly fell from his face.

"When I had thought that you liked me, I had been happy... really happy. So to find out it was all wrong... all because I'm a shinigami... that's not fair! Uryuu!" his fingers, which had ceased all movement during their exchange, thrust deeply into his body.

Uryuu couldn't help but arch his back and moan wantonly as pleasure shot up his spine.

The orange haired male grinned "You like that, huh?"

The other male didn't answer. His head bowed to let his silky raven tresses to fall over his features and shield them from Ichigo's wondering gaze.

"Even..." Ichigo slid his finger out slowly "if you don't like me," quickly he thrust his fingers back into the loosening hole "your body wants this." Once more he slid his fingers from the smaller man's entrance then slid them back in quickly. This time once the digits had entered Ichigo curled them then circled them around the tight channel.

Uryuu responded with a muffled moan as he crawled an inch or two forward, dragging Ichigo with him, to press his face into the couch's plush arm. His hands grasped desperately at the soft material, hugging his upper body as close to it as he could.

Ichigo then began scissoring his long fingers and Uryuu chocked over another moan.

A larger self-satisfying grin slid across Ichigo's face. Rather the Quincy liked him or not he was honestly enjoying what Ichigo was doing to his body. His ears and shoulders had flushed crimson while a thin sheet of sweat covered his flushed skin. His breath was ragged and his hair a damp mess.

Ichigo slipped a third finger in and Uryuu released a soft strangled cry but quickly muffled it with the couch arm. His back arched and his muscles tensed significantly. His body twitched.

Ichigo thrust the three digits in and out, going deeper each time, before he began a thrust and curl routine that had Uryuu grunting each time. He rotated the digits a few times before pulling them all three out completely. The archer whimpered softly.

"Uryuu... I'm," he paused and softly ran the hand that had been preparing Uryuu's hole over his slim torso "going to put it in."

"Do... do I really need an excuse for not being in love with you?" the bespectacled teen's voice shook much like his slim frame did.

"You can't love me because your a Quincy and I'm a Shinigami, I know." the orange haired teen frowned deeply.

"Or maybe I just don't find you attractive, or I may just dislike your personality. Have you ever considered these possibilities, Kurosaki?"

"Is that it?" Ichigo sighed, annoyance clear in his voice.

Uryuu opened his mouth to answer but was cut off by a loud moan. He quickly tried to muffle the sound by pressing his face into the couch arms again. Ichigo's hand had snaked around the smaller male's slim body to toy with his hardening arousal.

"K-Kurosaki!"

"Ichigo!" the substitute shinigami hissed and jerked almost painfully on the Quincy's member.

The raven haired male's body trembled in response his hips shifting at the enticing touch of the larger teen. Ichigo's hand stroked gently over the hardening length. He leaned down close to nip at the soft pale flesh of the archer's neck.

Without any further warning Ichigo pressed his own hard member to Uryuu's entrance and snapped his hips downward. With the sudden quick thrust Ichigo's entire engorged throbbing member was sheathed in the raven haired teen's wet hot body.

Uryuu's body jerked; his teeth snapped tightly together as his face pressed deeply into the couch arm. His muscles twitched as he released a strangled whine.

It was painful, more so than Uryuu had expected it to be.

Ichigo leaned close, his fingers brushing soothingly over the heated flesh of the bespectacled teen's cock as he whispered hoarsely "I love you, Uryuu." Simultaneously Ichigo's hips snapped back then forward as his hand gripped the hot hardening organ more tightly and began pumping it roughly. He buried his own burning member deeply within Uryuu's depths.

The muscles of his entrance twitched and tightened around the thickening arousal with each thrust. The pace only quickening with each snap of Ichigo's hips. Each time the cock was pulled nearly out it was then thrust back in quickly at a different angle until Uryuu released a loud pleasure filled moan and arched back into Ichigo. His back was much like the bow he used to fight Hollows and Ichigo couldn't help the grin that spread over his lips at the thought.

The substitute shinigami continued to pound relentlessly into the same spot that had Uryuu moaning loudly and arching back. Uryuu's responses to the continuing abuse to his prostate and weeping erection was varying muffled moans and choked whimpers.

Ichigo thumbed the tip of Uryuu's hot arousal, pressing firmly against it then rubbing soothing soft circles that had it twitching in anticipation. Just as he moaned a particularly loud and needy warning moan Ichigo relinquished his hold on the scorching hot cock in favor of sliding it up his side, ever so slowly. As his hand left the erection and slid up the raven haired teen's body Ichigo slowed his pace, rotating his hips in a slow sensual dance. The movements were torturous but Uryuu didn't complain in the least.

Ichigo brushed a large rough hand over the reddened nubs on Ishida's chest. His hand continued slowly up his neck and caressed his cheek, pulling his face from it's hiding place in the couch arm. He turned it toward him.

The Quincy's darkly flushed face was dripping with healthy sheen of sweat. His glasses were barely hanging on his face. A small trail of saliva dripped from his parted lips that quick heavy pants and gasps frequently exited and entered. His sapphire eyes were wide with a small tear beading on his left lid. A wide mixture of emotions danced within his sapphire depths; fear, anger, sadness, hurt, pleasure, disgust, confusion, but the dominate emotion was something Ichigo didn't recognize but it worried him. It wasn't a positive emotion. It was something dark something he didn't want to see there.

So to rid Uryuu of that look Ichigo snapped his hips back then thrust deep, hard and quickly into his prostate. The unknown negative emotion was quickly smothered by pleasure but both were quickly hidden as Uryuu snapped his eyes shut and buried his head in the couch arm.

Ichigo smirked and slid his hand back down to the weeping cock of his not-so-willing-lover. Once more he began stroking it in time with his thrusts. Each thrust was hard and deep, sheathing Ichigo to the hilt. Each stroke of Ichigo's hand was rough but pleasantly so. His tongue lapped hungrily at the raven haired Quincy's shoulder and neck.

"I love you..." his voice was soft but firm.

He thrust deep and hard several more times. His hand pumping in time as he whispered "I love you, Uryuu!" a bit louder this time.

Uryuu moaned and mewled against the arm rest. His body trembling uncontrollably as his back arched and his legs shifted to allow Ichigo to go deeper. He pulled his face from the couch arm and released a strangled groan. A thin stream of saliva threaded down his chin, connected to the couch arm. His fingers flexed as undeniable pleasure crossed his features.

"I... I...!" Ichigo moaned loudly, unable to completely form word or coherent thoughts.

Sharply Ichigo's hips snapped down onto Uryuu, his throbbing hot cock burrowing deep within Uryuu and colliding heavily with his prostate. At the same time Ichigo gave Uryuu's hard member a tight sharp pump. White hot pleasure enshrouded both teens as they came.

A thick white stream spurted from Uryuu's cock, coating his stomach, lower half and couch in the milky substance. While Ichigo's seed buried itself deeply within Uryuu while Ichigo's voice rang loudly in the room "I lo-love you... I love you so goddamn much, Uryuu!" Ichigo thrust a few more times, milking his fading arousal for everything it was worth.

Both boys collapsed.

Both panted loudly as they laid there, Ichigo draped over Uryuu's back.

Several moments passed before Ichigo slowly pulled out. Streams of white leaked from Uryuu's abused hole as he did so.

He sat back so he was sitting properly on the couch, with his head thrown back on the head rest. "Damn... that..." he paused, then slowly lifted his head to look at Uryuu. The raven haired teen was yet to move an inch from where he had collapsed after their, session.

"Uryuu...?"

He didn't respond.

Ichigo's frown deepened.

Sure, Uryuu had been against it at first but he had come to enjoy it. He had come to see and understand Ichigo's feelings.

Right?

"Uryuu...? Hey... Uryuu..." slowly he reached over and grabbed the Quincy's shoulder. He tugged it toward him to turn the teen so he could see his face.

His eyes were cold dark narrowed slits of cobalt. His lips were pulled down into a tight frown with no sign of the blinding pleasure he had been feeling mere moments ago. His voice was low and menacing as he spoke his next words.

"Kurosaki Ichigo, I hate you."

To be continued...

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><p><em><strong>AN and Disclaimer:**_

_**Fluff: **Um, Dun..dun...dun? I guess?_

_**Ichi: **He hates me now? Why?_

_**Fluff: **You kinda raped him._

_**Ishi: **I hate you both._

_**Fluff and Ichi: **NOO! Uryuu, don't be cruel! _

_**Ishi: **Worthless idiots, Fluffy(or ITOxYAOIcomplex, that's Ito for short since she decided it would be CUTE to change her pin name) does not own me, Kurosaki, or Bleach and it's characters. _

_**Fluff: **My pin used to be Fluffyfangirl89, fyi. Also, I DON'T know where I'm going with this so ideas and suggestions are WELCOMED!_

* * *

><p><em>[I will continue ifwhen I receive feedback, so I'll know if it's worth my time]_


	2. Running in Circles

_**Title**__: Kurosaki Ichigo, I hate you, I don't love you!_

_**Pairing: **Ichi/Ishi_

_**Genre:** romance, drama, humor_

_**Chapters:** 30+_

_**Word count: **8,300_

_**Spoiler/s: **anime episode 11/12, manga chapter 33+(roughly)_

_**Full summary: **"You wanted me to notice you… if it's that important doesn't it mean you have a romantic interest in me?" Ichigo was a moron, Uryu had already established that so it would make sense he would come up with logic like that. It was stupid, how could something like that be true? Then if Ichigo isn't wrong… Set in the time frame shortly after Ichigo and Ishida meet._

_**Warning/s: **_

_-yaoi _

_-angst_

_-drama_

_-violence_

_**Refresher: **_

_His eyes were cold dark narrowed slits of cobalt. His lips were pulled down into a tight frown with no sign of the blinding pleasure he had been feeling mere moments ago. His voice was low and menacing as he spoke his next words. _

_"Kurosaki Ichigo, I hate you."_

_**Final thoughts: **Fiiirst, I want to thank K-chan! If not for out lovely talk then this would not be here... at all! Also...__I'm killing myself! No, no not literally... but yeah I'm writing this with a 30 page manga deadline just around the corner. Masochist much? So yes, please enjoy, even with my complaints I wanted to do this! Fuck sleep, mangaka and writers don't need it! (Please excuse my language lately...)_

Kurosaki Ichigo, I hate you, I don't love you!

Chapter Two: Running in circles

_:start:_

"Wha-what the hell Uryuu?" It had been the words that were ready to tumble from Ichigo's mouth, but he had only managed the "Wha-what-" bit before a painful punch was issued to his stomach and he was quite literally thrown out of the Quincy's home.

That had been weeks ago. Ichigo and the colder-than-ever Uryuu were yet to speak, or rather Uryuu was to respond. Not that the two had known each other long, but in the short time Ichigo had known the other he had been essence of ice. Ichigo had approached the icy Quincy several times but had been brushed off without as much as a glance in his direction.

Ichigo understood; Uryuu was pissed. At first he had backed off after he had only received the cold treatment, but after a week the excuse to 'give him some time to blow off some steam' didn't really apply. So Ichigo changed plans. His new plan? To stalk Ishida.

Ichigo himself wouldn't define what he was doing as 'stalking' but 'being assertive in his pursuit of Uryuu'. He would, everyday, follow Uryuu around school and attempt light conversation. He would always invite him to lunch. He would follow him home; only to have the door slammed in his face every time. When it came to battling hollows either Uryuu took care of them before Ichigo arrived and left or he left them to Ichigo completely.

A heavy sigh escaped Ichigo as he continued his depressing trek back home. He had just followed Uryuu home to have the door kindly slammed in his face without so much a word from the stoic yet sexy Quincy.

The substitute shinigami's brow furrowed deeply at the thought. He had already ran it over in his mind dozens of times. He was in love with Uryuu. It was a fact and he had accepted it. Sitting on his ass in his room mourning his twisted life wasn't him. He wasn't going curl up in his blankets and whine about how he wasn't gay and that he couldn't love another man. He didn't care that Uryuu was a guy.

Hell he loved his sex, both anatomically and perversely.

The scowl that darkened Ichigo's handsome features lightened considerably. His lips curled into a bit of a smirk as he thought back on just how much he enjoyed Uryuu's sex.

He also could care less that he was some last of his kind Quincy that was sworn enemies, or what-the-fuck-ever, to shinigami. Technically Ichigo wasn't a shinigami, he was only a substitute, right?

"Ichigo!" the sudden voice yelled loudly, causing him to jump then glare irritably when he recognized the voice.

"The hell do you want, Rukia?" he growled, his mood fully displayed in his voice as he turned to face the short girl.

Using her school bag she smacked him over the head. "Drop the attitude Ichigo, there's a hollow." she hissed with annoyance clear on her features.

The orange haired teen only rubbed the back of his sore head as grumbled to himself.

Rukia merely rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath. "With an attitude like that it's no wonder your still single."

"What the hell was that?" Ichigo snapped and turned a heated glare on the midget.

"Nothing~" she sang then quickly took on a more serious note. "We should get going..."

Ichigo cut her off, "Yeah, yeah..."

"We wouldn't want anything to happen to Ishida, after all." she grinned toothily at this.

"Huh? So he's there now then..." he mumbled just loud enough for her to hear.

"Yeah, so we should hurry... although he will probably have taken care of it by time we get there." the ebony haired girl mused aloud.

"What, then, you don't want to go?" the substitute shinigami frowned.

"Are you fine with not going, Ichigo?" she questioned back.

He only frowned deeper in response.

Rukia snickered, "Oh come on Ichigo! I know you've been sniffing around after him for weeks now!"

Ichigo stared blankly for several minutes. "Wha- huh? No! What the fuck, Rukia? You think I have a thing for Uryuu?" so he had openly admitted, he was in love with Uryuu... to himself. He wasn't near ready to tell the world. Which he knew is exactly what he would do if Rukia found out.

"Uryuu?" Rukia doubled over laughing before quickly snapping back up strait when something seemed to register. "You have a crush on Ishida?"

"What? No! I... just want to be friends." he lied quickly.

"That's what I had been talking about before you jumped to the conclusion I meant more..."

"The hell? I'm going to go kick that Hollow's ass now, bye!" With that Ichigo ran off to find the Hollow, and hopefully the man he had fallen in love with... and raped.

"I don't think it's the Hollow's ass you will be paying much attention to..."

* * *

><p><em>I hate you, I don't love you!<em>

* * *

><p>Finding the Hollow took much more time than Ichigo would have liked so it came as quite the surprise when he arrived to find Uryuu there and in the middle of battle. From a short glance Ichigo knew Uryuu hadn't been slacking but the Hollow was a strong opponent.<p>

That didn't stop him from offering his battle-busy love a quick jab.

The orange haired teen cupped his hand to his mouth and yelled, loudly "Oi! Uryuu, running a bit slow today, huh?"

Normally Ichigo could expect a cold sneer of "Running a bit slow today? Isn't that your everyday thing, Kurosaki?" Instead Ichigo got cold hard silence as Uryuu focused full attention on fighting the Hollow.

"Hey, Ichigo, since when were you and Ishida on first name basis?" Rukia wasn't too sure what the relationship the two held. It obviously wasn't anything too serious, so she had no qualms about teasing them.

"Now is not the time for that!" was the hissed answer she received before Ichigo took it upon himself to dash to his secret crush's side. Rukia rolled her eyes but said nothing.

"Oi, Ishida," the change to using the Quincy's last name wasn't only noted by Rukia but the subject being called to, even if he didn't respond in the least. "need some help?" Ichigo offered as he stopped within just enough distance from both Uryuu and the Hollow for 'comfort'.

Once more Ichigo was ignored by the stoic Quincy. However the Hollow was sure to offer the desired attention. One of it's nine large arms took a long swipe at him. The quick attack barely missed as Ichigo was half a second faster in leaping backward. He didn't stay backward for long though as he drew his zanbakuto then charged forward to lop off the very arm that had attacked him.

The Hollow wailed with ear splitting volume and flung itself backward. It's large sharp-toothed mouth littered the ground and air with it's saliva as it's large body shook with spasms of pain. It's remaining eight arms slung around it's body in rage.

"This little guy's giving you trouble?" the substitute shinigami teased with a playful smug look on his features.

To this Uryuu responded with a roll of his cold sapphire eyes and sneered "That's the most obvious of stupid mistakes, Kurosaki."

"Huh?" Ichigo was left to stare; mouth hanging open and chocolate eyes wide with surprise.

His hateful crush returned his shocked stare with an icy glare. "What the _hell_ are you staring at, Kurosaki?" he snapped, his voice holding much more venom than Ichigo would have thought possible.

"It's been weeks before you've... talked." was the awe-struck answer he received.

"It has not." the sapphire eyed teen's eyes narrowed further. He lowered his arms and his bow vanished.

"Well it's been weeks since we've talked!" Ichigo yelled, his own chocolaty eyes narrowing to an angry scowl.

"Because I don't have anything to say to you, Kurosaki." Uryuu's voice held a note of finality but Ichigo ignored it.

"Well I have a hell of a lot to say to you Uryuu!"

Rukia's eyebrow raised at the sudden change in address yet again. Already her amusement was turning sour with the two male teens. To have a Hollow to be standing right in front of them and yet they were more interested in bickering with each was just ridiculous to her. She wouldn't bother with stepping in though, it was pointless.

"First off, don't address me so intimately... it's Ishida to you, Kurosaki." he made sure to put heavy emphasis on 'Kurosaki' before continuing. "and I don't care to listen to anything, you, a shinigami has to say. We're not friends... or did I not make it clear last time? Kurosaki, I hate yo-"

"I got it!" Ichigo interrupted, slamming his zanbakutou into the large arm that had chosen the horrible time to attack what the Hollow had only hoped was a distracted opponent. The arm was sliced not-so-neatly off. The Hollow now donning nine arms yet again, as predictably two arms had grown in place of the one Ichigo had lopped off earlier. As the Hollow once more threw itself back away from it's attacker and wailed, Ichigo snarled a "Fuck off, we're talking!" in it's direction.

"No, we're done." Ishida stated flatly.

"No, we're not! I still have a lot to say Uryuu!"

"Don't say Uryuu so easily! And I couldn't care less about anything you have to say."

At this point Rukia had made herself comfortable on a railing where she sat silently watching the two teens and Hollow with dulled interest.

"Listen... Uryuu, I'm sorry about last time! I... At first, when I approached you... I had really thought that you were in lo-"

"Shut the hell up, Kurosaki! This is hardly the time to being talking about such useless things!"

"But-"

"Ichigo, Hollow!" Rukia yelled, just in time for Ichigo to narrowly escape it's attack. Again, Ichigo lopped off another arm.

She hadn't planned to interfere but it would be quite bothersome to have Ichigo die here over some lover's spat with a Quincy.

Her frown deepened as her eyes mirrored the action by narrowing. No, she didn't think there was really something… of that sort going on between the two - they were both guys - but she would be lying to say she wasn't the least bit curious.

"Don't you learn?" Ishida yelled, his face now flushed with mixed emotions. Mostly of what Ichigo assumed to be embarrassment, indignity, and anger. Distantly, Ichigo couldn't help but think the expression was cute.

"Look, Uryuu-"

"Ishida!"

"Ishida!" Ichigo corrected with an angry snap "I'm sorry... I really didn't mean for things to... go so far. I mean I-"

"Hollow!" Rukia interrupted with another warning. Ichigo repeated his move of lopping off an arm and continued talking.

"I mean... it's just... I really thought at first that yo-"

"Hollow!" this time Ichigo snapped and lopped off every arm within reach, which was a total of seven arms.

"Kurosaki, don't you see their growing back?" Ichigo's crush yelled exasperatedly.

"I don't care!"

"What the hell!" the Quincy thundered only to have his anger pushed aside for shock.

"I'm in love with you!" the orange haired substitute yelled, his voice louder than either Uryuu or Rukia had ever heard it. "When I thought you were in love with me, I was shocked and confused... then happy. Really, really happy... I started thinking what it would be like to be with you... and so I had to confront you. So when you told me it wasn't true, I was in denial... but you were so persistent in hating me... I-I snapped."

Rukia's face was look of pure shock as she chocked on the air she was breathing then gracefully fell backward off the rail.

"K-Kurosaki..." Uryuu whispered softly.

Ichigo's eyes soften and he looked down to study the ground with plans for his next actions running at full speed in his already crowded mind. "I didn't want to rape you... I just wanted to make love with you." his voice was just as soft as his eyes as he turned them back to Uryuu.

Unfortunately for Ichigo, Uryuu was no longer standing where he had been, instead he was mere feet from the substitute shinigami. His fist connected, firmly, with Ichigo's jaw. Sending the orange haired teen falling backward onto the ground. He landed indignantly on his ass, his face holding a look of surprise. "What the hell, Uryuu?"

"You knew very well what you were doing when you did it, Kurosaki! I distinctly remember stating, multiple times, that I hated it! So don't you dare feed me the 'I didn't mean to hurt you' speech or I'll make sure you _can't_ 'make love' to anyone else ever again!" Uryuu's voice was loud, uncharacteristically so. His usually pale face was flushed hotly with what could only be anger.

"Are you being possessive?" Ichigo mumbled as he rubbed his sore jaw, but remained seated on the ground where Uryuu had knocked him.

The Quincy's eyes narrowed to icy slits "Don't tempt me to make good on my threat."

Ichigo's eyes narrowed a fractionate "Don't be an ass, Uryuu."

"I'd rather you call me ass... hearing you speak my name makes me feel ill." was the sneered remark he received.

"I'm sure there are a lot of other things you'd rather I do to your ass than just talk about it."

The raven haired male fixed him the iciest glare he was to receive yet. "Your disgusting."

"What's wrong with a guy flirting with his love?" the substitute shinigami grinned.

"First off, I'm not your fucking love! Secondly..." Uryuu's glare intensified as he pushed his spectacles back up the bridge of his nose. "I'm a guy and I'm a Quincy. Therefore, there isn't anything not wrong with it."

"I'm in love with you." Ichigo stated this simply, seeming to ignore everything the other male had said. His face held the usual scowl but underlining it was sincerity and seriousness. He wasn't joking and he wasn't lying.

"Kurosaki..." Uryuu started, his expression morphing to mirror Ichigo's sincerity, but he was cut off by someone yelling and Ichigo receiving a kick to the head.

"Ichigo! What the hell are you doing? Now isn't the time for you to be flirting with Ishida! Or have you forgotten about the Hol-" the one that had interrupted Uryuu, Rukia, was then cut off by the very subject of her distress.

The Hollow reared back and released ear splitting roar before swinging all it's several arms at the trio in a blinded rage to inflict some amount of damage to it's enemy. Rukia quickly scrambled out of the line of fire, one of the large arms just barely ghosting over her torso as it missed. Ichigo wasn't so lucky, the same arm that missed Rukia connected with the side of his head and sent him unceremoniously flying several feet away.

Uryuu was quick to leap backward to a safer distance. His sapphire eyes widening with initial shock then narrowed as they glanced over to his unwanted partner. A sudden welling of worry bubbled in his chest and spilled into his voice before he could stop it as Ichigo's body hit the ground heavily after it had been thrown. "Ku-Kurosaki!" his voice cracked on a high note, splitting the noisy air with it's own volume. His breath hitched and his heart pounding with such force his ears burned and thrummed the same unsteady tune.

Ichigo didn't move at first but it wasn't long before he was groaning and staggering to his feet.

Uryuu released the breath he held in a long relieved sigh.

"Damn..." he overheard the substitute shinigami groan as he shook his head. Not a second later and Ichigo's thought process had changed directions back to a certain irritating Quincy. "Uryuu!" he snapped his head to the side, his angry scowl only softening when he took in the appearance of his love. Not a scratch.

The raven haired male bowed his head slightly, his features made unreadable by the light glinting off his rectangular glasses. His lips were pulled down into a tight frown. "Idiot..." he muttered irritably.

A smile pulled at Ichigo's lips as his worrying expression faded.

The Quincy found his own lips attempting to pull themselves up into a soft smile so he pressed them into suborn thin line. "Idiot, how could you let an attack like that land?" this time his voice was stronger, and he meant for Ichigo to hear it. When Ichigo only offered the sheepish gesture of rubbing the back of his head and grinning Uryuu offered another insult. "You really aren't any brighter than I had originally thought, Kurosaki."

Ichigo's cheeks tinted crimson at this, and Uryuu, despite himself found it adorable.

The orange haired shinigami opened his mouth to yell something back indignantly but was cut off by the Hollow. It roared loudly again, not a half-second before grabbing Ichigo with at least five of it's many arms. It's massive jaw clicked then dropped to allow it's already large mouth to double in size. Once more it roared, this time directly in Ichigo's face.

Chocolate eyes blinked back the saliva that had just been spit into his face. He growled a "Bastard!" then attempted to pull his arm away from his body to enable an escape from the massive Hollow. It wouldn't have that though. It's large hands tightened around his body. Ichigo felt as though his bones would break at any moment. His lungs were being squeezed of any air they held and he was finding it impossible to draw fresh air in.

"Really, Kurosaki, is this the limit to your abilities?" Ishida stated rather dryly as he launched an arrow at the Hollow. "I'm not impressed." Although his words were precise and condescending, his arrow missed the mark.

The Hollow didn't look happy about the sudden attack that nearly took his head off. It growled noisily and threw Ichigo to the side as it turned it's attention back to the Quincy. Uryuu was ready and so quickly drew his bow and fired another arrow. This one, however, missed as well. The Hollow catapulted itself into the air using it's many arms. The monster may have been large but it was also fast. Before Uryuu could ready himself for another attack the Hollow had dropped to the ground nearly on top of the Quincy. It's large arms and unfittingly small legs supported it's massive body as it crouched over Uryuu; ready to tear him apart.

One of it's many hands grabbed Uryuu's head as it leaned close, uncomfortably close, and growled. It's breath was nothing short of putrid. Without another sound the Hollow tightened it's now painful grip on Ishida's head then lifted him high into the air. Uryuu first registered mind numbing pain splitting through his head as he was slammed to the ground.

The attack had happened so fast Uryuu wasn't able to respond in the least.

He knew with that hit something had broken, to what extent or if it could ever be repaired he didn't know.

A scream registered in his burning ears as Uryuu stumbled back. The voice had yelled his name. Following closely to the voice was the Hollow leaping away from the Quincy then it was it's turn to roar in pain.

Uryuu couldn't see what had happened, his head turned slowly, but all his eyes could see were crimson and black smears of color. Had he lost his glasses?

Distantly he felt something hot running down his face.

Through the powerful drumming of his pulse in his ear he barely made out the sound of someone walking closer to him. Then an unmistakable voice "Oi, how was that? Impress- Uryuu!" the voice was suddenly loud, obnoxiously so.

His normal smooth silky voice was hoarse, rough like sandpaper even to his own ears as he attempted to answer the voice with his own mocking tone. "You don't have to yell, Kurosaki, and it's... Ishida."

"The hell it is." an irritated voice answered.

Uryuu felt his body sway slightly. Without warning a gentle hand was placed on his shoulder to steady him. "You look like shit." Ichigo stated his voice rough with an emotion Ishida didn't want to place.

"A... pick up... line like that... won't make... me fall... in love.. with you." his own voice was still rough, but now ragged with labored breaths. His head was spinning at this point and he was beginning to fear passing out on the spot when the roar from the Hollow sounded again.

It wasn't over?

Uryuu's question was quickly answered when the hand on his shoulder left and not a second later he heard the owner of that very same hand scream out loudly in pain.

His heart stopped for a split second before his sore throat managed to rip out an emotion-filled yell of "Ichigo!"

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><p><em>I hate you, I don't love you!<em>

* * *

><p>Pain. It was something he was used to, something he felt often enough not to be bothered by it. So when his chocolate eyes snapped open to the full size and he sat bolt upright in his bed, he wasn't the least bit surprised by the searing pain that started out in his lower back then sent electrifying currents throughout his body.<p>

He only managed a small groan of discomfort before his mind snapped to what he considered a more important matter. "Uryuu!" He snapped his body to the side fully intent on leaping from the bed.

A voice stopped him. "Kurosaki, you shouldn't move so suddenly." immediately his wide chocolate eyes fell on the subject of his worries.

"Uryuu..." the name fell softly from Ichigo's dry lips. His wide chocolate eyes met momentarily with narrowed, yet uncharacteristically soft, cobalt eyes before Ishida pushed his glassed back up the bridge of his thin pale nose. The dim lighting of the room barely managing to glint off the glass to sufficiently hide the emotion filled eyes.

Ichigo was sure he did it on purpose, knowing how such a gesture made him look sexy as hell.

He wouldn't comment that now though.

Ishida's silky raven tresses fell about his head around a contrasting sterile white bandage wrapped tightly about his head. He had a few other smaller less notable bandages graced his pale body. One wrapped around his left arm, just above the elbow. He could see another was secured about his shoulder and chest peeking from beneath his casual white button down shirt. The last was wrapped neatly about his neck.

"A-are you okay, Uryuu?"

"What the hell are you asking, Kurosaki? Your the one that's slept for forty-three hours! I only got a few scratches... idiot." the raven haired male's face tinted crimson. Ichigo wasn't sure if he was flustered or just angry. Ishida pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose again. His lips pursing together in slight pout.

Ichigo stared. His rough voice was low as it spoke impulsively. "So... cute..."

"What was that? Kurosaki?" the other male fixed him with a hard glare.

"Uh, sorry... Ishida, I didn't mean to sleep that long. Were you waiting the whole time?" sheepishly Ichigo grinned and rubbed at the back of his sore neck.

Several mixed emotions that the orange haired substitute shinigami couldn't distinguish played on Uryuu's features before he settled with irritated. "Idiot!" again he pushed the glasses back up the bridge of his nose, as which Ichigo noted it was likely because he was flustered, then nearly yelled. "Why the hell would I wait... and why are you apologizing for something like that? Apologize for getting your idiotic ass hurt and worrying everybody!"

"You were worried?" it was Ichigo's turn to be flustered. His cheeks heated to a warm crimson color as his chocolaty eyes widened then shimmered with wonder.

"Hah? O-of course not!" the raven haired male huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. He turned his back to the injured shinigami to hide his reddening cheeks.

A soft smile tugged at Ichigo's lips before another thought struck him. "What about the Hollow?"

Uryuu offered the other male another indignant huff before answering "What about it?"

"What happened with it? You took care of it... Ishida?"

"Of course, Kurosaki..." was the monotonous reply before a silence passed slowly between the two.

"Ishida...?"

The Quincy hummed a soft questioning note and turned his head in Ichigo's direction.

Ichigo furrowed his brow in thought for a moment. "Can we talk?"

"We're already talking." was the guarded response.

"I mean, about... us." orange brows knitted deep lines in Ichigo's forehead as he noted the strange wording and decided to correct himself before the other could. "Can we talk about... everything that's happened?"

"We don't have time for this, I should let everyone know your awake now." the bespectacled teen replied stiffly.

"What the hell? I saved your sorry ass and you won't even give me a minute to talk?"

"We were just talking, we can't waste so much time just talking when your family hasn't even been notified that your awake. They were so worried. So I'll-" the sapphire eyed man turn toward the door but was stopped quickly by Ichigo's next words.

"I know, I know... but this is important! You owe me at least this much, Ishida!"

"I didn't know you were that type. If your expecting any gratitude for... assisting me in battle-"

"I know you won't thank me. I-"

Ishida's head snapped to the side to glare at Ichigo over his shoulder. His sapphire eyes, even from across the room, held an intense heat behind the thin lenses of his rectangular glasses. "Thank you for your... help in battle. I am grateful but don't think it changes anything between us."

"Of course..." the bedridden teen sighed. His tense brow relaxed for a moment as his chocolaty eyes slide closed and his head tipped forward in an exhausted way.

Uryuu didn't respond, but remained silent waiting for Ichigo to continue.

"You still hate me?" it was only after Ichigo had spoke did the bespectacled teen noticed his eyes had strayed from the injured male. His shoulders had relaxed by a fractionate. Once the deep, now rough from strain, voice sounded in the small room the raven haired male found his eyes trailing back to the bedridden male.

Ichigo's head had turned to face the window next to his bed, hiding his expression.

The Quincy found himself wanting to grab his head and pull his face back around to face him so he could see the expression. Instead he opted for answering the question "Don't be-" his teeth snapped audibly closed as he realized what he had been about to say. The frown that seemed permanently etched onto his features deepened. Before he had even noted his own body's movements he was standing by Ichigo's bed.

"Kurosaki, I am grateful to you... if not for you I'm sure I would have died." nervously, Uryuu pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "I'm also very... sorry you were injured helping me. But..."

"Uryuu." the orange haired male grabbed the other male's wrist, looking up with a firm look in his warm chocolate eyes. The raven haired male found his tension doubling at the intense look. "I'm in love with you."

"Ku-Kurosaki, d-don't just think that saying that will make me like you! Kurosaki I-I don't like you...!" even as he spoke the words his cheeks tinted crimson to which Ichigo responded with a warm smile.

"I know."

"Good, then you can let me go now." was the guarded response. Uryuu swiftly used his other thin pale hand to nervously slid his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

"I owe you thanks too, Uryuu... you took care of the Hollow after it kicked my ass." the substitute shinigami grinned toothily.

"Don't thank my, Kurosaki, I didn't do anything for you. Now let me go."

"Still, if not for you I would probably be dead now too."

"Fine, your welcome, now let me go." the tension seemed to be rising each second and Uryuu was ready to bolt.

"Alright... sorry, I just wanted to get that out, before you left." Ichigo's smile faltered as he released his hold on the thinner male.

"Kurosaki..." the sapphire eyed teen started, pausing momentarily as he looked at the other male with an unreadable expression. His tensed brows softened slightly as he leaned down closer to Ichigo's level.

He gently touched his thin hand to the injured man's broad shoulder. "I'll tell your family your awake now... so just, take care of yourself."

Chocolate eyes widened before sliding back down to half mast. "Ah, thanks... Ishida." not a second after the name left his lips they touched to the soft pale cheek of the standing teen.

Uryuu snapped back quickly like a recoiling spring. His long fingered hand touched softly to his cheek. It was silly to be effected to any such extent with a simple gesture like a peck to his cheek even after everything else that had happened between them but he was. "Kurosaki!"

"I love you, Uryuu, rather you like me or not."

"U-Uryuu, Ishida make up your damn mind already and don't just kiss me as you like!" was the hissed response.

"Then Uryuu, it is." Ichigo grinned, even as the owner of the name he had spoken looked ready to rip his head from his shoulders.

"Ishida."

"Fine, Ishida, and I couldn't help myself. You got so close... and your so damn cute!" the bedridden teen's lips spread into a grin, even as a deep blush colored his cheeks.

"I am not cute and I don't want to hear your sorry ass excuses!" yelled the raven haired male, his face reddening to the extent his ears colored.

"But I love you, Ishida!" Ichigo's voice still held a dry strained undertone but as he spoke 'Ishida' his voice hit a higher note and broke into a slight whine.

Uryuu glared icily. "I'm leaving now, and Kurosaki," he paused as he turned to leave. Only continuing with his sentence when he was sure he held Ichigo's attention. "don't say that, it's disgusting."

A look of pain crossed Ichigo's features, but he quickly turned his head to hide it. Fortunately Uryuu was already facing the door so he didn't see it.

Uryuu walked quickly toward the door, fully intent on leaving. Once again Ichigo's voice stopped him "Ishida!"

"What?"

"I..." as he paused Uryuu tilted his head to look at him over his shoulder. "Sorry I'm disgusting, but-"

"But?"

"You have a really nice ass."

"Fuck you Kurosaki, and in answer to your question earlier, yes I hate you!" with that he left.

* * *

><p><em>I hate you, I don't love you!<em>

* * *

><p>"Oh! Ishida!" the voice that spoke was very different to Ichigo's, it held a soft polite note to it. The Quincy felt himself relax notably as he turned slowly to the owner of the voice.<p>

Yuzu's sweet warming smile greeted him as he stepped off the stairs.

"Is Ichigo awake now?"

"Ah... yes." was the quiet confirmation she received.

"That's wonderful! Thank you so much for everything! I fixed you and Ichigo some porridge, it will help bring back your strength! Here! Better hurry before Dad realizes!" Uryuu didn't notice the tray the young girl held until she thrust it against his chest gently but hurriedly.

"Your not going to tell your Father?"

"No, not until you and Ichigo finish eating, at least. I don't want him disrupting you while your eating. You both need it." her smile was bright, warm and cheerful; so much so Ishida found himself wishing he had a sister like her.

"Ah, actually-" the raven haired male began but was cut off by the reason of Yuzu's worry,

"Yuzu~ Have you cooked Daddy something tasty to eat? I can smell it, and it smells yummy!"

The girl simply smiled and bowed before darting off to find her Father.

Uryuu hissed a "Damn it" under his breath before turning around and starting back up the stairs he had just come down. It wasn't the girl he damned but the injured teen upstairs that was the source of all his unease.

His mind was muddled and filled with thoughts of the orange haired shinigami, but he wasn't attempting to shake the thoughts. He needed to think things over, no matter how irritated they made him feel.

He refused to run away.

Uryuu had been content just melting back into normal life, ignoring all the things that had happened at his house with Ichigo. He had wanted to just go back to normal days, but Ichigo wasn't having it.

Now Rukia, she had heard everything, and Uryuu didn't doubt she would quickly use it as blackmail if she so needed to.

His ebony brows sunk lower over his eyes at the thought and he quickly went back to focusing his thoughts on Ichigo alone.

Did he hate Ichigo Kurosaki?

His head gave a quick nod in answer to his own silent question. Yes, he hated all shinigami and Kurosaki - substitute or not - was a shinigami.

How much did he hate him, more than other shinigami?

His head shook lightly to the side twice. No, Uryuu wasn't sure if he could confidently claim Ichigo was his favorite shinigami but he wasn't his least.

Did he hate him only because he was a shinigami?

Again his head shook in a quick 'no'. No, he hated Ichigo's personality too.

His feet stopped moving, mid step, as he paused to rethink over that question and answer.

He hated Kurosaki's personality? Yes, it was impossible to be around him for any length of time. After just minutes with him and Uryuu found himself ready to beat him to within an inch of his life.

So he didn't like the kind words the male spoke to him or the invites to be his friend. He didn't like the confessions of love and the action of risking his own life for Uryuu's. He didn't admire Ichigo's acts of selflessness?

He quickly shook his head and continued walking. He was wasting his time mulling over this or that with Ichigo when he was suppose to be delivering said shinigami his food.

Balancing the tray in one hand Uryuu pulled the door separating him for Ichigo open and stepped inside. "Kuro-" his voice died in his throat as he turned to face the taller male. His sapphire eyes were wide behind his thin lenses. He nearly dropped the tray he held.

Ichigo had stood from his bed, though still unsteady on his feet. His tall muscular frame was naked from torso up aside from the bandages that wrapped securely around his chest and shoulder. He currently had his arms raised over his head in a stretching motion. His features twisted into a grimace of discomfort, bordering on pain.

"Kurosaki..."

"U-Uryuu...? Uh- Ishida!" Ichigo's arms snapped down to his sides as he turned to look fully at the shorter male, his cheeks tinting crimson as he muttered an apology. "I... didn't think you were coming back." a nervous look passed his features before he turned and sat slowly onto the edge of his bed.

"I wasn't... thank Yuzu." was the Quincy's cold response; although he hadn't planned to sound quite so icy.

"I will." the orange haired teen grinned playfully and Uryuu found himself thinking just how much he preferred the look over his previous grimacing one.

"Yes, you do that." although Uryuu's tone was still cold he softened his words with a slight quirk of his lips in a soft smile. Ichigo noted the smile with one of his own and motioned for the food bearing teen to come sit beside him on the bed.

The bespectacled male hesitated but soon walked slowly to Ichigo's side where he careful sat next to him on the small bed. He was careful to sit as far from the darker skinned man as possible without it being obnoxiously obvious. He settled with half the bed being far enough.

Apparently his plan to disguise the act and not appear obnoxious was pointless "I... don't bite, ya' know."

"Not too sure about that, Kurosaki." was Uryuu's muttered reply. It was one that had the taller male stiffening noticeably and looking away. Ishida ignored the uncomfortable tension in the air and set the tray of food given to him by Yuzu on the bed between them. Another act to distance himself from the other male and he was quite sure Ichigo noticed this as well. He lifted both bowls off the tray and offered one to the other male.

"Thanks." was the simple, curt reply he received for the somewhat polite gesture.

"Sure..." he muttered back.

Both boys removed the lids from their respective dishes and grabbed one of the two spoons present on the small tray as well. In silence they began eating their meal.

Several minutes passed as the repetitive motion of dipping the spoon into the thick porridge then bringing the delicious nutritious substance into their mouths and neither even spared the other a notable glance.

It was when his bowl was nearing half empty did Uryuu pause to break the stretching silence. "Um, this is... good hm? Your sister can really cook well." although the words seemed warm and complimenting Ishida's voice held a cold note that left Ichigo questioning if he was actually mocking someone. He pushed the thought aside quickly when he glanced over at the pale teen and noted the insistent blush coloring his cheeks and ears. His sapphire eyes had darted off to the side in a nervous manner.

"Ishida." the chocolate eyed teen murmured softly in a loving tone. Unfortunately Uryuu didn't react in such a gentle way when the loving voice was accompanied by a soft touch of Ichigo's hand on his shoulder.

The raven haired male jumped, quite violently, in a quick jerking motion that had his porridge spilling out of the small bowl. Fortunately the Quincy's reaction was quick, and so he was able to pull the bowl away from his body before it spilled into his lap. His hand and the floor took most of the damage.

"Uryuu! S-sorry! Are you okay? Does it hurt badly?" Ichigo panicked, throwing his own bowl of porridge to the side in favor of grabbing the pale teen's hand. He quickly began to inspect the red skin. Uryuu quickly set his own bowl off to the side, on a convenient table.

"I'm fine! It's just a small burn, you're overacting." the bespectacled teen answered rather dully.

"What the hell kind of reaction was that? I just touched your damn shoulder!"

"I'd rather you don't touch me at all, so let go of my hand!" as he said this Uryuu began tugging away from Ichigo to free his said captured hand.

"Stop moving!"

"No, ouch! Let go!"

"If it's fine then why are you complaining! It hurts doesn't it?" Ichigo's voice took on a softer tone, but Ishida ignored it.

"It's just tender, now let go!"

"_No_!" was the hissed answer before Ichigo brought the struggling teen's reddened hand to his lips and kissed the flesh softly.

The raven haired male sucked in a sharp breath before an even more intense heat enveloped his burned hand. Ichigo's hot tongue lapped gently along the red skin of his crush. Removing what porridge had stuck there as well as heating the already hot skin to a higher temperature.

"Wh-what the hell are you doing! Your making it worst, Kurosaki!" Uryuu tugged almost hysterically on his captured hand.

"I'm trying to help, does it feel better now?" Ichigo lifted his head back an inch only long enough to speak before immerging himself back into blissfully licking at the hot skin.

"H-how-! Your mouth is hotter! Too hot!" Ishida yelled back, his voice cracking and breaking with his sudden struggle to breath evenly.

"Your hot?"

"K-Kuro...saki..." was the slowly hissed answer he received. Uryuu's thin frame trembled with a powerful shiver that ran fully across his body. His cheeks had heated to match his scalded hand in heat and color. His sapphire eyes were bright and wide with mixed emotions. His injured head was throbbing; it had healed considerably but Uryuu knew any conversation with Ichigo would change any painless state it was in.

The previously wide sapphire eyes narrowed to dangerous slits "Kurosaki…" his voice more firm this time in warning. He didn't know what Ichigo was up to but he didn't plan to let him continue.

Ichigo ignored the warning and leaned closer to the thin male, his wounded body ignored as he pushed the pale teen over on to his back. He leaned close, his nose brushing over the pale teen's chin as he breathed in deeply.

"Uryuu..." his voice was rough and husky.

"Kurosaki!" this time Ichigo listened, unfortunately it was too late. A flat hard surface met painfully with the side of the orange haired teen's head and he fell over and off the captured teen. The weapon, the serving tray that had held their food a short while ago, clattered noisily to the floor.

Ichigo grabbed the wounded side of his face and hissed in pain. "Damn, Uryuu… was that ne-"

"Your disgusting, I _hate_ you, Kurosaki Ichigo!" the raven haired male's voice was cold and sharp as he wasted no more time in stomping out of the room.

* * *

><p><em>I hate you, I don't love you!<em>

* * *

><p>"Disgusting..." Ichigo's voice was soft as he repeated the harsh word. His warm chocolate eyes were glazed over with pain, but his bodily injuries couldn't have been further from his mind at the moment. To be told he was disgusting for showing the man he was in love with such raw honest passion was a bit much for the injured teen.<p>

Unconsciously his hand found it's way to his injured cheek. "Damn…"

"Are you really surprised?" a voice answered his own broken one.

Ichigo's face couldn't seem to decide if it wanted drain all the blood out or have it all rush to his cheeks in embarrassment as he looked over to find Rukia climbing out of his closet. Her small face was hard and very serious.

"Wh-what the hell! How long were you-? How much did you hear?"

"Plenty, I'm not getting involved with this, Ichigo. Anything... between you two would be unnatural. Besides, your pick up lines and flirting suck."

"What the hell? Just how long were you listening?"

"Too long." was her curt reply as she headed for the door.

"What, are you against my relationship with Uryuu?" the substitute shinigami questioned, his normal scowl intensified to the point it was boarding on a heated glare.

"What relationship? He doesn't seem to share the same feelings. Ichigo, I don't know what your thinking..." the small raven haired ex-shinigami turned back around to offer the other a deep skeptical frown. "But your only going to continuously cause him trouble if you choose to pursue him."

Ichigo's mouth snapped open preparing to verbally assault his short roommate with his thoughts on her negative statements. The words died in his throat.

_'Your disgusting!' _It wasn't the first time Uryuu had said it to him. Nor was it the first time he had clearly stated his hate for not only shinigami in general but Ichigo specifically.

"Can you just leave now...?" was the lowly muttered response the dejected teen offered as he collapsed onto his bed. He lay on his back with darkening chocolate eyes trained intently above him but seeing nothing. His injuries completely forgotten as his mind raced in a blackened haze.

Uryuu hated him, it finally clicked.

"Ichigo?" Rukia's voice was soft, but it still managed to irk the depressed teen.

"I thought you left." he grumbled irritably.

"Ichigo what the hell is wrong with you?" her voice was sharp this time and was accompanied by footfalls that were far too heavy for her small set.

"I'm in love." his face contorted uncomfortably. It was nauseatingly cliché but the words had left him before he fully noted their formation.

"With Ishida?" Rukia sounded surprised, but the other couldn't place why. She already knew more about their relationship than anybody.

Ichigo snorted. "No, I'm in love with you." the sarcasm dripped abundantly from his frowning lips.

"Idiot!" Rukia barked and Ichigo found his chin meeting violently with the sole of her foot. He snapped to a sitting position and fixed her with a glare.

"Just leave already!" his voice cracked as his face twisted into a intense storm of emotions.

"You haven't known him that long... How could you be in love with him?"

"I don't know! Now leave!" the substitute shinigami groaned and rolled over to lay on his stomach. His beaten body screamed it's protest but he ignored it and covered his head with his arms to try and block out Rukia's judgments. With any luck he would manage to block out all thoughts of Uryuu and any negative feelings that were bubbling in the pit of his stomach.

He disgusted Uryuu.

Luck didn't seem to be with him at the moment as his method to lock out the thoughts only seemed to intensify their strength as they echoed within his mind with nothing to distract him.

Uryuu hated him.

He had just met Uryuu so he couldn't be in love.

All of his actions; all the pain he had caused the other, everything, was pointless.

There wasn't any love between them.

"I... just wanted to fuck him." his voice was horse as he rolled over onto his back, his arm draped across his face.

To be continued...

_**A/N and Disclaimer:**_

_**Fluff: **Finally~ I did it! The second chapter is done, and I hate/love the ending! It's too short... I wanted to stretch this chapter out for all it was worth, but-_

_**Ichi: **What. The. HELL!_

_**Fluff:** Can I sleep on you?_

_**Ichi:** ...no._

_**Ishi: **I think there's a bed of nails, glass or... something around here somewhere._

_**Fluff:** Aww... you're heartlessness leaves me all warm and tingly inside._

_**Ichi and Ishi: **No comment._

_**Fluff: **I own nothing! Nothiiiinng~ besides my cute little blond teddy that is very confused about it's sex and identity. _

_**Everyone: **No comment. _

_**Important (or not so much) note/s:**_

_I plan for this fic to run long, and I do mean long... (just look up there where it says "Chapters: 30+") Unfortunately I'm a living person with a life (yeahh, life that's what that is...) so updates will be all over the place but I WILL work on them when I can! _

_Noww~ D Gray Man fans, I've started formulating some screwed up fic in my head and would like opinions so please help the cause! Oh, the cause, that's Yuvi or Landa or just simply Lavi X Kanda._

_Maybe I should do a Durarara! one next, or a Ao no Exorcist... but they will all be oneshots because that's all I'm doing aside from the huge list of started and waiting multi-chappies I got going. _

_[Feedback shuts me up and makes me type the hell outta some yaoi]_


	3. A blind step forward, too late?

_**Title**__: Kurosaki Ichigo, I hate you, I don't love you!_

_**Pairing: **__Ichi/Ishi_

_**Genre:**__ romance, drama, humor, smut_

_**Chapters:**__ 30+_

_**Word count: **__11,273_

_**Spoiler/s: **__anime episode 11/12, manga chapter 52(and will move up with each chapter)_

_**Full summary: **__"You wanted me to notice you… if it's that important doesn't it mean you have a romantic interest in me?" Ichigo was a moron, Uryu had already established that so it would make sense he would come up with logic like that. It was stupid, how could something like that be true? Then if Ichigo isn't wrong… Set in the time frame shortly after Ichigo and Ishida meet._

_**Warning/s: **_

_-yaoi _

_-angst_

_-drama_

_-violence_

_- OOC Rukia_

_- ASSHOLE Ichigo, but he has his reasons.. Don't hate on me for it! (It's the story dears, THE STORY!)_

_**Refresher: **_

_"You haven't known him that long... How could you be in love with him?"_

_"I don't know! Now leave!" the substitute shinigami groaned and rolled over to lay on his stomach. His beaten body screamed it's protest but he ignored it and covered his head with his arms to try and block out Rukia's judgments. With any luck he would manage to block out all thoughts of Uryuu and any negative feelings that were bubbling in the pit of his stomach. _

_He disgusted Uryuu. _

_Luck didn't seem to be with him at the moment as his method to lock out the thoughts only seemed to intensify their strength as they echoed within his mind with nothing to distract him._

_Uryuu hated him. _

_He had just met Uryuu so he couldn't be in love. _

_All of his actions; all the pain he had caused the other, everything, was pointless. _

_There wasn't any love between them. _

_"I... just wanted to fuck him." his voice was horse as he rolled over onto his back, his arm draped across his face. _

_**Final thoughts: **__Yess... sorry but I put Rukia OOC pretty badly... I don't really like her so... I had to make her more likable to my standards. Also Ichigo is… I'm sorry! T^T Major fail? I know it took a while... and... I actually had this typed up for a while but I wanted to get the other chapter done before posting this... I'm close enough~_

Kurosaki Ichigo, I hate you, I don't love you!

Chapter Three: A blind step forward, too late?

_:start:_

"Whaat!? Ichigo's out again?" the loud, whining, voice snapped the raven haired teen's attention from the book his sapphire eyes had been trained so intently on. He was sure to be inconspicuous with his sudden focus on the loud obnoxious teen.

"C'monnn!" Keigo yelled in his desperate high pitched voice. The other students looked irriatble.

"Shut up!" Tatsuki growled and offered the noisy teen a non-too-gentle-punch atop his head.

Further bickering pursues but Uryuu tunes them out expertly, turning his attention back to his book. His eyes roam pointlessly over the pages, his mind unable to focus on what he was reading.

It had nearly been a week since the Quincy had seen the substitute shinigami. Ichigo hadn't come back to school since being injured by the Hollow and as the days stretched on Uryuu doubted the injuries were to blame. He had considered dropping by to check up on the 'injured' male several times but he always backed out. His mind would pull up images of the strange events that had played out between the two and halt Uryuu's movements.

It wasn't that he was confused about why Ichigo had done the things he had. He understood; Ichigo was in love with him. At least that's the explanation he had been given.

He wasn't sure if he believed it to be true but he did know that Ichigo wasn't a cruel person. So he would never play with someone's emotions in such away. If Ichigo said he loved someone, Uryuu believed Ichigo truely thought it to be so.

So then it was the 'why' that stumped Uryuu. Why did Ichigo love him? The idiotic orange haired teen had said he had been really happy when he had somehow twisted things and thought Uryuu was in love with him. Had he fallen in love with the idea that someone was in love with him? The two hadn't known each other for long, so Ichigo couldn't be in love with Uryuu for Uryuu.

A soft sigh escaped the pale teen's lips as his ebony brows furrowed. That was his conclusion; Ichigo wasn't in love with him he was simply reaching out at the chance to have someone love him. He was in love with the idea that someone was in love with him.

Uryuu's pulled downward into a deep frown.

In away the thought pissed him off. All of Ichigo's words of love were lies, unintentional lies. The idiot didn't even realize it himself and so truly thought he was in love.

"Idiot..." Uryuu muttered under his breath. While his thoughts had roamed freely his face had contorted into a dark glare.

It kind of hurt though, to think all the sweet words that had been spoken to him were confused lies. That all of Ichigo's confessions of love were delusional declarations of need for love not offering it.

A quieter part of Uryuu had been a bit happy that someone had said they loved him. He received so little, so he felt a swelling of warmth in his chest from the thought. Realizing that Ichigo didn't love him left him feeling a bit cold and alone.

The intense glare smoldered out leaving a softened broken frown on his lips and a saddened shimmer to his cobalt eyes.

"...hida." his head snapped to the side at the sudden voice beside him. "Good morning, Ishida." his widened eyes quickly sank back to normal size as he pushed up his glasses and returned the greeting. He really didn't feel like confronting this right now.

"Can we talk?" asked the short dark haired girl.

Uryuu's frown deepened, "Sorry, Kuchiki, but class is about to begin. Maybe another time...?" the girl frowned in response and grabbed him by the collar of his school uniform. Uryuu let out a small yelp as he was yanked from his seat and drug out of the classroom in a less than friendly manner.

The other students stared after the two, dumbfounded.

"Kuchiki, let go!" the male hissed as his senses were suddenly overrun with the bright gleam of sunshine and contrasting cool bite of the wind.

"Just what are you doing Ishida?" the smaller of the two answered back with hard tone.

"I should be asking you that." was the even reply. Ishida took the next moment to give his surroundings a quick studious glance. They were outside on the roof of the school. He had only been on the roof once, and that had been when Ichigo had insisted on him eating lunch with him and his friends. The place was empty now though.

"What do you plan to do with Ichigo?"

"Wha-What, excuse me!?" the bespectacled teen snapped a bit too quickly and crossed his arms. "I don't know what you're talking about, Kuchiki, but there's..." his face had pulled into a tighter frown.

"Oh shut up! I know there is something... I don't want the details, but you need to get off your ass and work it out with Ichigo." she didn't seem to be in the mood to argue or discuss things in the least.

Ishida returned her glare "We're not friends, so it's fine to have some animosity between us." he took the short pause that passed to walk several feet ahead closer to the chain link fence that surrounded the rooftop. He turned back around to offer Rukia a level stare. "Is that it then?"

"You've fought together on more than one occasion. You'll only look like an idiot if you think saying 'we're not friends' is enough at this point." was her low answer as she stomped closer toward the male.

"I don't care what happens with Kurosaki." was the icy answer.

"Not at all? What, it has nothing to do with you, is that it? If you did something to depress him to the point he's locked himself up in his room, you can still confidently claim it has nothing to do with you?"

"I didn't say that... but it's not my fault." Ishida had turned his back to the other at this point.

"Not your fault? You're probably right about that... but are you going to be okay with things left as they are? Don't you still want to beat Ichigo at all? If you've taken his will to fight, do you care then? Does it not have anything to do with you? What if he loses the will to live? What if-"

"Kurosaki isn't that weak!" the Quincy yelled, his voice much too loud for even his own ears. "He won't give up because of something stupid like... like that. You're being too talkative, Kuchiki and nosey and dramatic."

"Dramatic? It's weird for you to be the one saying that." her voice was a sharp hiss as she spoke.

Before Ishida could offer his answer the bell chimed to signal the start of class.

"I need to get to class." Ishida stated after a short moment of silence after the bell quieted.

"Wait." Rukia barked and grabbed his arm. "Is that it then? You don't care if Ichigo... what if he is that weak? What if it isn't something he can over come? What Ishida? What if Ichigo is weaker than you think? You want to beat him don't you? Don't you?"

"Kuch-" she continued ignoring his attempt to speak, "You say you aren't friends but until just a short while ago you were both getting along. You ate lunch together everyday! You hung out with him and his group of friends... I get it that you're upset that he raped you bu-"

"Kuchiki!" Ishida yelled, cutting her off sharply. His cheeks burned dark red with what could on be humiliation. "I thought you didn't want the details... but you already... Listen if you already know that much then it should be clear as to why I hate him. I don't care what happens to him! He was the one who... he put this on himself. I can't be expected to run to him and apologize under these circumstances. He raped me!"

As his own words sunk in Ishida's face burned a darker red in humiliation.

"But aren't you in love with him now?"

"...what?"

"He raped you, so now you're in love with him... right?" she explained, this time there was a sinister glint in her eye that set Ishida on edge.

"No! Why the hell-"

"Do you need to live with him for a few months, let him forcefully do it several times so you can realize it after he protects you from some bastard?"

"...what?"

"When you first saw him, did you get this tingly feeling that you mistake for hate so instead of 'love at first sight' it was 'hate at first sight' but you're only actually confused about you're feelings?"

"How the hell..."

"Or is it that..."

"Kuchiki! I don't understand anything you're saying! Please make an effort to make sense to the people your talking to!"

"BL manga." said girl stated simply as she held out a book for the other to see.

"...what?"

"Since you and Ichigo are like that, I decided to do some research."

Ishida's face paled. "Research?"

"Yes, research." she confirmed confidently.

"On what!?" the male yelled.

"Boy's love." was the simply stated answer as she offered the book to him.

Shakily he took it, taking in a deep breath cautiously. With his teeth biting down onto his bottom lip he opened the book slowly. Inside, on the first page, was handsome light haired man groping a much more slim and feminine male with black hair. The dark haired male's face was contorted in embarrassment as the larger lighter haired male caressed his naked chest lovingly.

The book made a 'snap' sound as it was closed with more speed and power than necessary.

"Kuchiki..." he started in low deadly voice, turning his attention to the short female. His eyes were narrow boiling cobalt slits.

"Oh, shut up and keep looking at it! Don't just stop on the first page!" she answered in a monotonous voice that only seemed to further anger the other.

"I don't have any interest in reading any further in... this." he bit out coldly. He waved the book toward her for emphasis.

She groaned irritably "I swear, you and Ichigo are so damn stubborn... I'm not asking you to read the book just..." she stomped over to the Quincy and snatched the book from his loose grip. She reopened the book to a page closer to the back and shoved it in Ishida's face. "...look!" she demanded.

He couldn't make out the contents, though he was quite sure he would rather not see them at all, so he steped back so the pages were in focus. His jaw dropped open as his narrowed sapphire eyes mimicked the motion by widening to their full extent. "The hell?!" he exclaimed.

On the pages that lay only a few inches from his face was the same two boys he had seen on the colorless front page. In the scene the smaller of the two was naked and bent over with his bottom in the air. He was crying with his cheeks flushed brightly as he begged for the larger man to stop. The larger of the two was still fully clothed with only his pants lowered slightly on his hips so his...

Ishida's eyes snapped from the book as both hands slapped over his face to cover anything more he might see. "Wha-wha... what...?" he whimpered softly, whatever meaning his words held was lost.

"Don't just..." Rukia sighed deeply and shook her head before continuing. "Look, Itsuji is Kyuun's sempai... after a rocky start they became good friends, not long after Kyuun realizes that he's in love with his sempai and so when he goes to confess..." she paused "Ishida are you listening?" she only shrugged when she received no answer. "When Kyuun goes to confess he sees his sempai with a girl, Kyuun is upset and later claims he hates Itsuji. Itsuji-sempai is upset by this because he had also developed feelings for Kyuun and tried to explain that the girl was an ex and he had been in the process of turning down her offer to 'try again'. Kyuun won't listen though and so... Itsuji 'rapes' him."

After Rukia's explanation it grew disturbingly quiet. Several minutes passed in silence before Ishida broke it with a soft barely audible "Then..?"

A light smirk played on the girl's lips "Then, during the sex, Itsuji tells him he loves him and that if he wouldn't understand that then he would continue to show him - with his body - until he did. Kyuun then... Look." she pulled the book back open to show him another page. He didn't budge. "Damn it, look!"

With a sigh Ishida pulled his hands away from his face and looked. One the new pages the same smaller boy, Kyuun, was crying as he hugged the larger one, Itsuji, and expressed out sorry he was and that how he had only been upset at the thought of loosing the one he loved. The two then proceeded to kiss and...

Ishida looked away again. "B-BL manga has a lot of... " he paused and cleared his throat awkwardly "This is what got all of this started, you know, your manga."

"Don't blame my manga for your and Ichigo's problems." she stated levelly.

"It was because you showed Kurosaki some manga that he started thinking I like him!" Ishida answered stiffly.

"Don't you?"

"No!"

Rukia sighed.

Ishida sighed softly in return and shook his head "Look, Kuchiki, I don't think this conversation will get us any further. My feelings aren't going to magically change because you show me some manga. I'm not an idiot like Kurosaki." It would seem his resolve was made up and there wasn't any changing it.

Rukia let a short silence pass, in which Uryuu assumed she was processing his words. "I feel sorry for Ichigo." she finally stated with a sigh.

Ishida's eye twitched he knew he would regret it but he asked "Should I bother asking why?"

"You, your a real hard ass." was the answer.

"Is that it? I'm leaving..." the now more than just mildly irritated male hissed and turned to do just as he said.

"I'm going to tell Orihime it's okay then, he's free, and that you don't return Ichigo's feelings. So she's going to confess."

"What?!" Ishida whirled back around to look at the serious girl with wide sapphire eyes.

"Orihime's held a crush on Ichigo for a while, but when I told her-"

"You told Inoue!?"

"Yes, although she likes Ichigo, when she heard he likes you she was actually quite happy. She seems to be a B-"

"You told Inoue!? Who the hell else did you tell?" the normally calm Quincy yelled.

"I told her I would talk to you, if you didn't return Ichigo's feelings I'd give her the go ahead."

"...go ahead?" the male questioned after a moment of silence. He attempted to let everything sink in, however when it failed to do so near quickly enough he went back to yelling. "What the hell are you talking about Kuchiki? If Inoue likes Ichigo and wants to confess that is their concern. I am not involved in the least. As a matter of fact, it would be better if Inoue did confess and Ichigo realize that he likes her and not me.. so we can end whatever this is." his voice lowered unsteadily with each word. He pushed the glasses back up the bridge of his nose before turning back around to leave.

"It is better that way, isn't it, since two men aren't meant to be in a relationship to begin with. It's impossible. You two _couldn't _be in love, it's unheard of." Rukia stated curtly. The sudden sharpness in not only the words meaning but how she spoke them stung Ishida. "Excuse me, I was mistaken." she passed the sapphire eyed teen quickly, prepared to leave but paused to hiss one last thing.

"I'll make sure Ichigo doesn't pursue you any further, as a matter of a fact... I think it would be best to drop all contact with each other. Even a friendship with you seems to be impossible, so I guess I'm saying, _stay away from Ichigo_!" with that the short female left Ishida to himself.

Several minutes passed as he didn't move but only stared after her. _Stay away from Ichigo?_

"Fine, I much prefer it that way, I don't want to be involved with you Shingami anyway. It's for the best." he nodded curtly before following Rukia's example and leaving the roof.

I hate you, I don't love you!

The bespectacled teen threw his bag down and sat haughtily on his bed; his back was strait as he stared at the door he had just stormed through a moment earlier. His eyes were slits of ice. The uniform he wore was soaked as was his raven hair, school bag and ever inch of his being. He didn't seem to care, even as the icy water quickly began soaking his sheets beneath him.

It had been a few days since he had spoke with Rukia and Ichigo had returned to school the day after so everything was back to normal, for the most part.

Upon his return to school the orange haired substitute shinigami was yet to speak a word or acknowledge Uryuu in the least. Ichigo had returned to school and continued where he had seemed to have left off before the whole events with Uryuu. He chatted with his friends, ignored Keigo's desperate attempts for them to hang out at here or there. No Hollows had attacked for several days so there was no need for him to battle at the moment. So for the last few days both Ichigo and Ishida lived the lives of relatively normal teenagers.

However it wasn't nearly sufficient for Ishida. He felt restless, extremely so.

To have everything that had happened to just suddenly end didn't seem right no matter how long he spent thinking about it. He wouldn't say he was brooding but only pondering. His pale brow furrowed further as he continued to stare at the door to his room.

It had all ended with the simple phrase '_stay away from Ichigo_'. It wasn't as if he was obeying Rukia's order but he had planned to keep his distance from the substitute shinigami regardless. Apparently Rukia was able to keep up her end as well, since Ichigo seemed intent on _ignoring his presence completely now_.

The whole thing left a horrible taste in his mouth; he had been forced into such a situation against his will then just as suddenly as it seemed to have started it was stopped by the very person that had started it to begin with - Rukia. So he could help but think that the female shinigami was the one pulling the strings the entire time. Perhaps she was bored and needed some form of entertainment so she decided to create a bit of drama? Then when things got out of hand she decided to call it quits and end it before it got any worst off. Or maybe it hadn't ended yet, maybe he was still pulling them along in some attempts to entertain herself…

Ishida didn't know and it pissed him off, although he did feel a bit guilty for pushing all the blame on to the raven haired girl.

He admitted he was a bit irritated by everything that had happened recently and that irritation had only been mounting up since he spoke with Rukia and Ichigo returned to school. However it wasn't until the current day that he had really sat down to think it all over because he had been pushing it off in hopes that it would simply fade away and he could live peacefully after forgetting it complete.

Of course it wouldn't work like that.

It _couldn't _work like that. Not when Ichigo was so… normal now but so different at the same time. He carried on with his normal life easily enough, but it wasn't completely normal in that he - Ishida - had been completely excluded. It was as if Ichigo had went back in time, acting like he did before the two of them met. Ishida knew this not to be true though because he had seen Ichigo, on more than one occasion, stealing glances at him.

That was the only attention he was offered though, from Ichigo those mysterious glances were the only link to him being a living person that actually existed in the same world.

Long thin fingers curled to rest against Ishida's pale thin chin as the teen focused his mind fully on the orange haired man. He didn't desire Ichigo's attention but it was annoying to be treated as if he didn't exist with only little glances for hints that he was recognized.

"Hate me or love me, ignore me or pine after me… do one or the other, damn it!" he hissed and turned his sapphire glare downward onto the floor. "You can't have it both ways!" distantly he realized he was talking to himself, both literally and not. It wasn't that the words were specifically directed at himself or Ichigo but he knew that he was similar in that he also couldn't decide on just which he wanted from the man.

He wasn't particularly fond of the idea of being ignored but it wasn't as if he wanted Ichigo chasing after him either. Although the thought that someone was clearly interested in him in such a way made his heart beat faster in anxiousness. Even if that person was Kurosaki Ichigo, a shinigami.

Not even a few hours ago and Ishida had witnessed just how weird their now nonexistent relationship was.

_It was raining again, the sky was dark with storm clouds that pours the icy rain down onto the earth. Yet again Ishida found himself hurrying for shelter in freezing downpour, unfortunately there didn't seem to be any near. The only possible places were inside shops where he knew the shopkeepers were waiting to try and push merchandise off onto unsuspecting people that only planned to enter for shelter. _

_He already had a pounding headache from unwillingly listening to Keigo pester Ichigo all day about wanting to hang out after school. It wasn't that Ishida had been included in the group, no, he had been just sitting off to the side at his assigned desk minding his own business - aside from keying an ear in to listen to Ichigo's group or specifically anyone who spoke to the orange haired teen. One might call it eavesdropping but Ishida himself would only deny it. _

_It was the very teen that had wormed his way into his mind that was now before him, Keigo. The whole 'Ichigo group' was there; from Keigo to Ichigo himself. They had found themselves shelter under the only awning in front of some clothing shop. Of course with the luck that Ishida found himself having lately the awning was in fact on his side of the street and so stood directly in front of him to the point that he had little options to avoid it. _

_He either walked across the street, illegally, not that he planned to do something so obvious even if the group hadn't seen him yet. He could stand there, in that spot and hope they ignored him if they saw him until they left. He could turn around and hope to find a new route home. Or lastly he could opt to find a temporary residence in another shop nearby before one of them do notice him, not that they were likely to with how things had been recently. _

_He chose the last option, but was halted in his turning into the next-door jewelry shop but chocolate eyes meeting with his own sapphire ones behind his dampening lenses. Ichigo stared at him in silence with Keigo at his side rambling away about something no one seemed to be listening to. _

_Maybe if he hadn't spent so much time back in school cleaning up he could have outran the storm, or a least the group before him? _

_Ishida's lips pulled down into a deeper frown as something seemed to lighten his chocolate gaze, some emotion flickering through them that Ishida couldn't name. However the eyes contact was broken as suddenly as it had began by the orange haired teen as another voice cut through Keigo's sharply. _

"_Oh wow, we've gotten so much rain lately, I wonder it will ever stop?" a quick glance by both Ichigo and Ishida confirmed that it was in fact Rukia that had spoken. Neither let their eyes linger on the short girl and looked away quickly. Ichigo's eyes found their way to a corner of the awning he was under, watching the rain that gathered and dripped off there. Ishida's eyes watched Ichigo watching the rain with more interest that he thought deserving. _

_Suddenly Ishida felt something within him snap. What did Ichigo and Rukia think he would castrate himself right here and now before them all? Did they really think he would bow and humiliate himself any further in front of the shinigami?_

_His jaw clenched tightly as his teeth ground together and he fought back spewing insults at all teens present. _

_He hated them, he hated them all to unbelievable measures. _

_He hated Keigo's loud obnoxious mouth. He hated Tatsuki for yelling at him when he got out of control. He hated Chad for his silence. He hated Koima for not being involved. He hated Ruika for interfering in his life and messing with his head. He hated Ichigo for being Ichigo. _

_He hated Orihime for loving Ichigo._

_With new rage, unlike he would have thought possible he stomped forward and under the awning as well, but he didn't plan to stay he was only passing through. He didn't care that he bumped a few of the teens with his shoulder as he stormed through. _

_Orihime let out a startled gasp as she swayed from the bump but it wasn't nearly enough to knock her over so she only giggled after she had reclaimed her shaking footing. "Oh, Ishida-kun! You can wait here with us for the-"_

"_Don't loiter in such a troublesome place." the Quincy cut her off with a sharp voice that was like ice. He knew he was receiving angered glares from most the group but he didn't care. No, he relished in it. He wanted them to glare, to seethe with anger like his own. _

"_Hey, you don't have to be like that about it, she was trying to be nice ya know!" he didn't turn around to see who it was speaking, but it was clearly a female voice but it didn't belong to Orihime or Rukia. He could hear murmured agreements for the ones that didn't wish to speak up like her. _

_He planned to turn around and snap back but another voice spoke, one that was _too_ familiar. "You alright, Inoue? Keep out of the rain or you'll end up sick, we wouldn't want that.. Right?" Ichigo asked in a gentle voice that expressed more kindness that Ishida remembered hearing from him, even when he had said… _those words_._

_Ishida stormed off without another word, not caring about the freezing rain one bit as he made his way home. _

It had been those short moments that he had spent with the group, speaking his first words to them in what seemed like a long time, that had brought about his somber mood set now as he sat still drenched in icy rain water on his bed. He knew, somewhere deep inside himself, that his dark mood was silly. Pointless. He really shouldn't be getting so upset over such things. He hated the group, he didn't wish to be included, he didn't wish to be wanted, and he didn't wish for them to show him kindness.

With a long heavy sigh Ishida offered the floor he had been staring at for several moments now one last long icy stare before climbing to his feet, he noted his toes had gone numb, and walked stiffly to the bathroom. He had half expected Ichigo to show on either his doorstep or at his window after the ice he had shown the group but he had been home for about and hour and no one had came.

In a way he found he was grateful but he also felt some other stirring emotion that he refused to pry into in fear he might not want the answer.

He slipped into the dark bathroom and flipped on the light switch, he noted at that point his fingers had also gone numb. He shuffled further into the room and nudged the door closed behind him, not taking any measures to ensure the door's security.

The soaked uniform took him much longer than it should have to peel off but when he did get it off the responding shiver that ran down his spine was well placed. His body was freezing, every inch of skin felt like ice and much of it was now covered in gooseflesh. His rubbed the chilled bumps on his arms in an attempt to make them go away as well as warm his body a bit. It didn't help much so he moved on to bathe like he had been intending to do, only pausing to removed his glasses.

He slid open the door that concealed the towel closet and snatched one up just to toss it back down onto a rack near the bath.

The following moments were mechanical as he moved to sit on the stool near the bath and used the sprayer to dampen his cold skin. He flinched as he was first drenched with more icy water until it slowly began heating to a warm spray. He felt a bit shaky and dizzy at the sudden temperature change but he managed well enough. It wasn't until his body began heating with the water that he let his mind focus a bit more on the tasks he was doing, bathing.

He grabbed the soap but only stared at it for several silent moments before his fingers slackened enough around it to let it drop with a resounding thud on the tiled floor. He watched it slide across the floor with half lidded eyes. Slowly, with the grace of a blind two legged cat he slid to his knees on the cold tiled floor and followed after the escaped soap. He picked it up with shivering hands and sat on floor fully, bringing his knees up to his chest as he ignored what felt like ice on his bare bottom.

He didn't hate them. None of them; not Ichigo, not Rukia, not Chad, not Keigo - well maybe a bit, he was too annoying at times, not Kojima, not Tatsuki, and certainly not Orihime.

What he hated most was himself, his own negative reactions to their kindness as well as his fear to except their kindness.

He couldn't hate them.

"I'm a coward." he mumbled under his breath and looked down at the soap he held. His long pale fingers almost matched the white soap's color as they trembled against it.

It took him approximately half an hour to pull himself together enough to finish with his bathing before he could settle into the hot bath waiting for him. His head lolled to the side after he sank into the steaming water with a quiet whimper of unease. The pale forehead met with the side of the tub as he closed his eyes and breathed deeply in hopes to return himself to a more normal state.

The tub was cool against his head and for that he was thankful. His head was throbbing from what he assumed to be the headache he had earlier so he made a note to find some meds for it when he finished bathing.

Another half hour later, or at least that's what he assumed the length to be, after the hot water in the tub had cooled he climbed out and wrapped a white towel around his thin hips. He grabbed a second towel shakily on his way out of the bathroom to drape on his damp head. He patted the wet raven hair a few times before shaking the towel onto his neck and headed to his bedroom.

He stopped, one hand holding the towel around his hips and the second holding a portion of the one around his neck to his cheek to dab gingerly at the flushed skin. The bath had warmed his body but didn't seem to be taking it long to cool again, except his head - it remained feverishly hot. If it wasn't for the sudden distraction he would have contemplated the possibilities of a fever starting.

"Hey." apparently Ichigo wasn't aware, but some people considered entering one's home without permission to be rude and it could be even considered a felony in some places. However Ishida dismissed all this after noting that the man had at least decided to keep himself limited to the wooden floor that made up the entrance to his home. So it wasn't actually much to trouble oneself with at all.

"The do-" he stopped mid-word as he caught full sight of the archer that stood nearly naked in front of him. His jaw loosened from the set tension it had been in to hang open in shock. Bright rosy colors quickly blossomed on his cheek as he stared at the thin damp and barely concealed man before him.

Ishida's expression shifted to resemble Ichigo's in both the shock and embarrassment only a bit more controlled. He only hoped that the flush he knew now covered his face, ears, and likely neck and shoulders could be blamed on the bath he had just come from. "K-Kurosaki…" the raven haired male managed to mumble in a weak voice.

Ichigo's reaction was quick; he snapped his head to the side so quickly Ishida was sure he'd end up with whiplash. Luckily it didn't seem that way as the man spoke, covering the bottom half of his face and turning his entire body away from the Quincy. "Th-the hell Ishida? Don't walk around naked!" he snapped, though his voice was even weaker than the other's so Ishida found no venom in his urgently hissed words.

"I… just got out of the bath." was the nearly naked man's clever retort. For what he was sure for the first time in his life, he didn't care that his response wasn't actually witty, clever, or even not completely pointless sounding to his own ears. He was fairly glad Ichigo chose not to comment that. His heart was pounding, _pounding painfully hard_. His mind, blank with shock until he finally spoke, began spinning as he tried to concentrate on just _why_ Ichigo was here.

It was then he remembered his earlier run in with him and his little group.

So Ichigo had finally come to scold him for being mean to his precious Inoue?

Ishida nearly choked on the air he had just brought into his lungs as he noted the _almost _jealous pang he felt at the thought of 'Ichigo's precious Inoue'. He had been an ass to her, Ishida knew it, and all she had tried was to be nice. However a part of him also argued that she _knew_ Ichigo like him and yet she wanted to invite him to stay with their group when she was likely now making her moves on him?

What did Ichigo already move on to her? Had she taken him into her arms to consol him when he learned that a relationship with the man he loved was impossible? Did he see that she had so many things that Ishida lacked; that she was kind, she was loving, that she was gentle, warm, soft and clearly _female_?

Ishida moved the hand that had held the towel around his neck to his cheek in favor of doing his usual gesture when made nervous, adjusting his glasses. However they weren't there and it was then that he noted how much more blurry things were without the spectacles clearing his poor vision.

"Are you trying to…" Ichigo spoke, dragging the thinner male out of his thoughts about his glasses and how he was suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious without them. The orange haired man made a strange half groan half whine like sound in the back of his throat before continuing. "Just what the hell are you trying to do to me Ishida?!" he sounded almost desperate.

Ishida wasn't too sure what he meant, his features were twisted into some expression he couldn't read without the aid of his glasses. With his sight in the current blurred state it was it looked like the substitute shinigami was either scowling, grimacing, or something of the like. Either way, he knew it wasn't pleasant.

The nearly naked man felt his body shudder at the thought. He really didn't want to end up in a fight, not like this. Even if only words were used, he didn't feel nearly up to it at the moment. His thin shaking hand lifted the towel still hanging loosely around his neck to his cheek before moving higher to cover most of his features in hopes to shield himself from any attacks. All he could really do was hope the anger and fight wasn't too serious and hope that his naked eyes didn't portray just how shaken up he was. "I-I… I d-didn't do anything to you." after he had said it the Quincy thought over the statement again. It wasn't true, he had likely hurt one of Ichigo's important people. He was undoubtedly pissed.

He opened his mouth to apologize, but stopped as the jealous pang from before struck his heart again and he felt his whole body quiver in response. With much difficulty he managed to remain standing and only swayed a bit on his feet.

Ichigo offered him a look that to Ishida's blurred vision appeared to be mocking. The taller man didn't leave the shorter one much time to react to the mockery before he slid out of his shoes and stepped up into the room with Ishida. He closed the distance between them quickly. "Ishida…" he spoke softly, his voice sounding like it could break at any moment.

The teen whose name was spoken looked up at the taller man, his body shifting backward to create more distance between them. He knew his eyes were likely hold all his emotions; nervousness, anxiety, worry, concern, jealousy, longing, loneliness, and desire to be held to be loved as Ichigo had offered him but Ishida couldn't bring himself to look away or try and hide the emotions from him. However it wasn't his eyes that held Ichigo's gaze, so he missed all these raw emotions that spoke louder thoughts than anything Ishida can ever use with actual vocalized words. Ichigo's eyes stayed carefully trained on a nearby wall, his features twisted into something Ishida couldn't place no matter how long he stared - and he did stare, long and hard.

"I'm sorry." the look that took over the archer's features was shock, as he tilted his head slightly in confusion. His lips pressed into a thin line as he was indomitable in not interrupting the man, even if he felt he should be the one apologizing.

The substitute shinigami paused to removed his uniform jacket and pulled it around the nearly naked male's shoulders. "You'll catch a cold like that." he muttered under his breath, his chocolate gaze still refusing to look at the man he spoke to. Ishida couldn't help but feel both irritated and relieved at the lack of eye contact.

What seemed like an unbearable amount of time passed in silence until Ishida took it upon himself to urge Ichigo to speak again. "Why are you sorry?" his voice was low and each word was uttered slow and carefully.

He took a deep breath, blurred vision be damned, but Ishida could clearly make out the expression on the handsome features of the shinigami Ishida had finally decided to trust and befriend.

Ishida was tired of running, of hiding and of pushing people away, specifically Ichigo. He knew he could trust him, and couldn't help but think that maybe being friends - if not more in time - wasn't impossible. He wanted to be included in his group of people he cared for. He wanted to be wanted by them, to be shown kindness. It was exactly what he wanted, what he needed and he didn't fear it anymore. Well perhaps he was a bit shaky about it but he refused to run anymore.

If Ichigo loved him and wished to pursue him then he would take him seriously and consider it carefully. He wouldn't use excuses like 'I'm a Quincy and you're a shinigami' or 'we're both men' as excuses anymore but would consider it solely on his own feelings for Ichigo himself as a person. Not a shinigami and not a man, but for who Ichigo was. The kind yet brash, the idiotic yet ingenious, the loving yet strong dolt he was.

Ishida smiled gently as he realized just how impossible it was to hate Ichigo for being Ichigo. He opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by the very man he was about to confess his thoughts to.

"I… won't pursue you anymore. I'll leave you alone like you want. I'm sorry because, I was cruel and inconsiderate of your feelings." he stepped back as he paused and Ishida grasped at the jacket that had been left on his thin shoulders as he once more attempted to speak but was cut off again. "I'm sorry for raping you, for forcing everything on you… but mostly I'm sorry for lying to you."

The words that were on the Quincy's lips were something like 'No, Ichigo, I understand… I don't hate you. I want to be close to you, to be friends, to get to know you better everyday. Please, don't give up on me. I think I can fall in love with you… it's not impossible.' but he stopped himself when Ichigo mentioned lying to let him continue.

When Ichigo did finish his thought however Ishida wished he would have stopped him by any means possible. Kicking him in the groin? Yelling, begging, confessing his true feelings, asking how a Mohawk would look on him, slapping him silly or even kissing him silly. Anything to stop those heart breaking words.

"I'm, not in love with you. I thought I was but, I'm not. It's stupid, I'm stupid for it. I made a mistake, so just forget that. I really did think I was in love with you, but I'm not. I'm really not. It's so stupid, stupid to think something like that is possible. It's unnatural and weird. I don't know what I was thinking but apparently I was.. I don't know, it was just psychical. It's kinda sick but I only wanted sex." Ichigo rambled on for several minutes, stumbling over his words.

Ishida didn't move, his breath shallow as he tried to fully register _everything _that was said and ended up wishing he didn't. He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts he only half realized Ichigo was leaving.

"Bye, Ishida, I won't bother you anymore." the door thumped closed behind him as Ichigo left the archer to collapse in a wide eyed, silent, half naked crumpled mess on the floor. The words Ichigo had spoke fresh in his mind repeated continuously.

Ichigo didn't love, he had never loved him and had only been after sex. He had been late but Ichigo had realized this and now…

Now Ishida wasn't needed.

Moments ticked by before Ishida suddenly stood he walked purposely toward the bathroom he had just been in a short while ago and found his glasses. He returned them to their rightful place on his face and quickly made his way back to his bedroom.

Stoic sapphire eyes glared at the clothes in his closet as he found himself something to wear and dumped the now offending jacket that had been loaned to him into the floor of the closet to be left and forgotten about. He turned to stomp back over to the bed and quickly dressed himself in the simple button down short sleeved shirt and dark pants. He only half noted the damp bandages which he had completely forgotten on his hands and arm that he still sported from so long ago and needed to change. He ignored them and stomped over to the door ready to leave but hesitated.

_I'm, not in with love you._

How many times did he say it? Half a dozen times, not worded the same but with words that meant the same. How many times did he usher in the word 'stupid'? Four. So just how many times did he insult Ishida in those moments? A life time's worth.

Ishida regretted many things; he regretted being cruel to Inoue earlier, he regretted letting Ichigo speak first, he regretted not speaking his own feeling loud and clearly the second he was able, he regretted ever telling Ichigo he hated him, he regretted not being his friend, he regretted lying about his feelings, he regretting letting himself be lied to and believing it, he regretted letting himself be used then thrown aside by the only person that had claimed to love him, but most of all he regretted _not_ hating Kurosaki Ichigo.

It was in this mind set that Ishida decided to go pay the substitute shinigami a visit at his home. He turned to his desk, deciding to first change his bandages then go have a long _heat to heart_ with the bastard.

He stopped, a frown marring his feature even further than the icy sneer that had graced it a moment earlier. His sapphire eyes blinked confusedly before he stepped over to examine the small piece of paper that had caught his attention. On the surface was a poorly drawn bunny that he could only assume was meant to look cute. A speech bubble was drawn near the bunny to make it seem like it was speaking. The writing read:

_**Ishida, **_

_**Ichigo's an idiot and a liar. **_

_**Take care. **_

The Quincy tilted his head as he read the short note several times. It was obviously a girls writing and only girls knew about the situation between them; Rukia and Orihime. It didn't take him another second to eliminate Orihime and assume Rukia had written it. But why?

He shook his head with a sigh, apparently she wasn't done meddling. At least the note had calmed him down a bit and made him think a bit more carefully about things. He would see Ichigo at school the next day so he could confront him then. Until then he needed to finish some projects and calm his wired nerves so he could think through exactly what he planned to say.

First he redressed his bandages and sat down at his desk to pull out his sewing supplies so he could get to work on the things that needed to be done. However he noted not a second after that he was out of a certain thread he needed so he found himself leaving the house regardless. It didn't take him long to reach the shop he liked to buy his supplies from and purchase the thread, and a few other items he thought he would need. It was on his walk back home he felt a spike in reiatsu and what he knew to be shinigami nearby.

Without a second thought he headed in that direction. What he saw upon reaching the area disconcerted him greatly.

Rukia was being attacked by a pair of shinigami, their usual black clad forms undeniable. One black figure was topped with a crimson splash that seemed more mahogany in the dark night that what Ishida was sure it usually was. It was the figure with the red hair that seemed to be currently ready to assault the smaller shinigami. The other assailant had hair similar to both Rukia and Ishida himself.

The Quincy felt a bit guilty for the moment of hesitation he felt when he thought about how irritated he was with the female shinigami because of her meddling and how he could continue on by as if he saw nothing.

He didn't though, he couldn't.

Without another the thought the archer pulled his arm up to aim an attack at the red haired black figure attacking Rukia. The red head noted the attack the second before it happened and moved his head back so Ishida's attack narrowly missed it's mark. However it served it's purpose; alerting them all of his presence as he then walked toward them and spoke "A man with a weapon attacking an unarmed woman?" he stopped when he deemed himself close enough. "This isn't a good scene to walk in on…" He adjusted his glasses.

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><p>I hate you, I don't love you!<p>

* * *

><p>He could feel the hot puddle of blood that was seeping from his wound. He wasn't too sure how bad it was but his body hurt and he found it impossible to move. Distantly he remembered the fight wasn't over, his opponent was out for more than blood he wanted to take his life. He coughed painfully, the mortification of the situation more painful than the actual wound to his body. Hazy sapphire eyes blinked and turned up to look at the attacker with blurred vision.<p>

He heard the voice annoyingly clear "Remember this before you die. Abaraii Renji, this is the name of the man that will kill you!" the red head, Renji, sneered in a rough voice as he held his blade high even if Ishida couldn't clearly see it. "Remember it well!" he yelled and brought it down toward the Quincy.

Ishida foggily noted that something interrupted him from landing his final blow. He had a fair idea of to who as he felt the reiatsu rippling off the man in suffocating waves. It was a bit much for Ishida; not only because of his weakened state physically but his emotional mind set. The battle had helped clear his mind a bit but the familiarity trigger a tightening in his chest.

Renji said something but the injured raven haired teen didn't catch it because his mind was reeling by the man that had just broken his heart had reappeared to _save his life_. No, that wasn't completely true, he was likely here for Rukia. He had only inadvertently saved Ishida as well.

Another pang stung his chest as he realized just how impossible it was. The gap between them was too great.

Ishida's assumption on who it was that had interrupted his oncoming demise was proved true as the man spoke himself "Kurosaki Ichigo, the one that will defeat you! Remember it well!"

The tightening in his chest was unbearable now, but he refused to let the emotional turmoil display on his features for all the surrounding shinigami to witness. Not that any eyes were on him any longer as they all focus on the fight that was about to begin between Ichigo and Renji. His sapphire gaze hardened a bit as he tilted his head to look up at the battle as well.

They were talking about Ichigo's sword as smoke billowed around his feet. The ground had taken an ample amount of damage from the attack so a lot of rubble rested at Ichigo's feet as he stood with his usual look on his face and sword braced on his shoulders. He stood not too far off from Ishida as the injured teen could only watch half consciously. His vision burring then blackening out before fading in again several times.

He considered letting unconsciousness take him. Even if he wanted to give Ichigo a tongue lashing or if he wanted to pummel him himself for everything. Or if he wanted to throw his arms around him and sob into his chest, asking him to not leave him and to keep loving him.

Not that Ishida would _ever_ consider doing that last one.

No, he had his pride - what little hadn't been trampled yet - to uphold.

Ishida was startled from his wavering consciousness by the red head shinigami, Renji, yelling something like "You're dead!" at whom he assumed to be Ichigo. He could hear their swords clashing as the actual fight began just after what he foggily remembered to be a short conversation about Rukia. He strained himself to turn and watch the fight just as Ichigo was being forced to hold a defensive stance.

Renji continued yelling something Ishida wasn't listening to before Ichigo decided it was time he changed to the offensive. He thrust his sword upward and swung it downward at the enemy shinigami. However the red head leaped out of the way without much difficulty and did a quick twist that let him strike Ichigo's shoulder.

The Quincy felt his stomach lurch painfully as blood sprayed openly from Ichigo's wounded should and the orange haired teen dropped to his knees. His chocolate colored eyes were wide with what Ishida could only assume to be horror as realizing the strength of his opponent. The horrified look only doubled when Renji spoke, Ishida only caught that it was something about Rukia again - she was who the shinigami had come here for after all.

Renji continued speaking in his loud gruff voice but Ishida ignored his words as he knew he was only degrading Ichigo. In the middle of Renji's long speech however Ichigo cut him of with a swipe of his sword directed at his face. At first Ishida had a swelling hope that it had cleaved the man's head in two, but it didn't and only nicked his chin.

It was Ichigo that took his turn to speak then, his voice was cocky as was the smirk on his features. "Oops, sorry.." the Quincy caught, he then proceeded with his own taunting with something about the red head talking and a scratch. Whatever it all was Ishida felt his body tremble and chest constrict painfully so he did the only thing he could and grasped at it with his thin arm. He felt it difficult to breath and not because of the wound.

Now was not the time to be in such a place and state; if he was here he didn't need to be like this or if he was like this he didn't need to be here. One or the other, he knew he had to pick one and knew he couldn't very well prance out of there in his condition. Therefore he had to get a hold of himself and calm his frazzled mind.

Ichigo didn't love him, everything that had happened was an… _accident_ and so pointless to mull over any longer.

Ichigo saying he loved him was an accident?

Damn, hadn't he been fearing a fever earlier and now this, did he look for ways to condemn himself to pain and suffering limitlessly.

So Ichigo had made a _mistake_, thinking he was in love with him but only wanted him for sex. That was the end of it, there really wasn't a point in thinking over it any further. Ichigo didn't want him now, whatever relationship they had was over. He would _stay away from Ichigo_ as he was told.

His teeth clenched in a sudden snap. What was he Rukia and Ichigo obedient pet now? What did he bend over with his legs spread when Ichigo demanded 'fuck', and come when Ichigo issued the command to do so as well? Then did he just _fuck off_ and _stay_ when told to do so as well?

A sudden spike in reiatsu had his mind snapping back to the fight before him, it was Renji. He had changed the form of his sword and was yelling again. He watched in horror as Ichigo was yet again attacked, only this one was much more brutal as the snake-like Zanpakutou's teeth ripped into him. The orange haired teen collapsed, dropping his own weapon on the ground.

Ishida wanted to scream 'Ichigo!' but his voice wouldn't come, his body trembled and he felt the world darken around him. He didn't lose consciousness though, he refused to black out completely while Ichigo was not only battling for his life.

Ichigo was strong, insanely strong Ishida knew this. He had seen it himself, close up with the Menose Grande. He had felt it when he had attempted to channel the energy through his own body.

Ichigo was also very willful and determined. Ishida witnessed this when in the next seconds Ichigo grasped his sword once again and forced himself to stand, ignoring the injuries.

Ichigo was kind. Ishida realized this when noting that it wasn't for his own life he was fighting.

The raven haired teen watched in horrified amazement as Ichigo attacked the tattooed red head ferociously. It was in that second that the Quincy realized he was not only strong, willful, kind but far out of his reach.

He could see it more clearly now. He had been given a chance; Ichigo had offered him his heart but Ishida had rejected him. Now Ichigo had realized how Ishida really was, he had seen his lack of worth and had changed his mind.

It wasn't only Ichigo, but all these people, they were clearly so much stronger than him. He had been easily shoved aside and forgotten. They had taken or given what they wanted and now had no use for the disgraced Quincy.

* * *

><p>I hate you, I don't love you!<p>

* * *

><p>It was raining again.<p>

There was blood covering the ground to be diluted by the rain. The weather seemed to fit the mood well as Ishida pulled himself up to his feet after having his shallow wound tended to by the man wearing a green stripped hat.

He sat up, his eyes trailing over to look at the mutilated body of Ichigo. Both conscious men stared at the bloodied form of the orange haired teen, each having their own expressions. One held worry concealed with an icy stare while the other's was concealed completely by his hat.

Ishida stood, he only half noted the man telling he should come with them to rest for a bit. He declined it with a shake of his wet raven head. His hand touched gingerly at his wound while his sapphire gaze fell on Ichigo again. Against his will his face contorted into a look that clearly portrayed his worry for the man.

"Thank you for tending to me." he spoke softly, not looking away from Ichigo's injured body. His eyes shimmered with their unease so he bowed his head slightly, so to hide his features from the other. "However, I am fine." his voice cracked a bit as he spoke the next words, his eyes finally trailing from Ichigo. "Instead… please treat Ichigo." he didn't care that he used 'Ichigo' instead of 'Kurosaki' like he knew he should have. His mind was too hazy. He was too shaken up to care about small things like that.

He wasn't sure what each feeling he felt was, his mind was a whir of emotion and turmoil that had his vision spinning before his concealed eyes. Moments passed as he tried to focus his mind on the things he needed to say.

Ichigo would be fine, he would be treated then would become even stronger - strong enough to beat those guys. Only Ichigo could…

Right now, there was more important things than his own feelings. As much as he wanted to forget everything and shake all the answers to his questions out of the unconscious man he couldn't right now.

He voiced those thoughts, limited to only what was needed to be voiced. "Right now, the only one that can beat those bastards… is not me." Ichigo needed to get up again to fight. Ishida was only wasting his time mulling over his feelings toward Ichigo and whatever relationship that no longer existed between them and he knew that.

His fist clenched as he thought back toward the girl that had been taken. He felt the blood seep through his bandages but it went ignored. Not only once had he thought less than kind thoughts about her and now she had been taken. The raven haired man felt unbelievably guilty.

She had probably not meant him harm by her actions; showing Ichigo the manga that had led him to believe he held such feeling toward him and forcing them to break off their relationship that Ishida had already refused and Ichigo had continued to insisted.

All their actions, everything, he didn't know what they meant or why they had did it. He was lost and knew he wouldn't get his answers any time soon but he had to focus on the things he did know.

Ichigo had to save Rukia.

Ishida didn't want any of them to suffer or die.

"Please heal Ichigo…" he whispered, knowing his voice shook slightly and that his emotions may have bled through a bit but he was satisfied that he was able to keep the desperation out of his voice. "The only one that can save Kuchiki, is him." distantly he wondered how Ichigo would be reacting to things if he were conscious now. He found that he was grateful that he wasn't.

**To be continued…**

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><p><strong>AN and Disclaimer: **

**Fluff: **I kinda feel like I'm cheating, the word count includes everything, all my ramblings too…

**Ishi: **If you want a higher word count, write a longer chapter… idiot slacker!

**Fluff: **Slacker?! That's so cruel… I even writing an extra bit just for my readers.

**Ishi: **Then why did you type it?! Also… isn't all of this for your 'readers'. Your excuses suck.

**Ichi: **You made me a bastard!

**Fluff: **I write this because I love IchiIshi and support it wholeheartedly, also because I get the feeling of accom-

**Ishi: **In other words you want to pollute the internet with this…

**Ichi:** If Fluffy (that's also Ito, or ITOXYAOIcomplex which was Flufffangirl89 before) owned me or Bleach… I would have committed suicide a while ago.

**Fluff: **You both hate me now?

**Ichi and Ishi: **Yes!

_**Side notes?: Since this chapter seemed a bit lacking, I decided to do an extra bit for you guys, you can skip it if you like - it's not really part of the story so you won't get mixed up if you do. It's just a cute little IchiIshi tease bit. Also sorry for all my major failing and slow updating! (The extra will be posted as the next chapter, since that seems to be more convenient or something)**_

_[Like updates makes readers happy, feedback makes writers happy!]_


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